Hearthside

A Couple New Hats...and Creative Kids

2012-01-29T19:18:00.000-05:00

That looks way more fun than a laundry basket should be!

Small projects do get finished. Now if I could get to the backlog of Unfinished Projects in 15 some bags. Usually I take on one or two for January.

The Green in Winter

2012-01-26T17:06:00.000-05:00

Familiar with the tune? I think it is People Look East--a great Advent Hymn...

Articulating an Approach to Grief

2012-01-24T20:07:00.000-05:00

This conversation with the book All Our Losses, All Our Griefs:Resources for Pastoral Care began before the class Care for Bereaved and Dying. Practical insights and theological insights lead me to articulate the kind of theology of care that is helpful to me in my own life and will be a guide for ministering to those around me in need of care for their grief.

The most first insight for me was that grief went beyond the bereaved or those who are actively dying. Grief is caused by any number of many losses in the course of our lives. This very definition helped me expand my own ideas about what grief is and how to handle it in my own life and in the walk through grief with others too. The chapter on the “Nature of Loss” made me aware that any transition, be it a wedding, a move to go back to school, a job change or even a promotion may leave us bereft and grieving the role(s) we have left behind during even with a positive change in our lives.

Among the losses Mitchell and Anderson mention is the loss of any friendship, not necessarily death. “The threat, or the actual occurrence, of loss at any time in human life evokes panic, anxiety, sorrow, and anger in keeping with the intensity of the attachment. Because attachment is lifelong, so is grief”(28). As an adoptive mother I’ve spent time reading about forming good attachments. Attachment to friends and roles is as natural as our attachments to family and should be honored as such. I can see that this is an important realm to take note of in our transient society, where many of us move to improve career possibilities or to areas with a lower cost of living. This book has given me a new language of loss to apply to people’s grieving over what we might consider normal events in life. Walking with people during a lifetime of losses should be the most natural part of my ministry role.

In considering my theology for care of the dying and bereaved, I found that Luke 24: 13-33 [New Revised Standard Version], the story of the walk down the road to Emmaus, was especially helpful to me. Mitchell and Anderson led me to this passage because of the insights into our connection with Christ walking with us to bear our sorrow. They say that “the principal theological question when we are confronted by loss and grief is not ‘why do we suffer?’ but ‘who suffers with us?’ …The willingness to bear another’s sorrow is the recognition of the reality of suffering in human life and the acceptance that the grieving person and his or her circumstances are normal. To be a follower of a crucified Lord is to be a bearer of sorrow”(169). On the road to Emmaus, two of Jesus’ followers walk seven miles from Jerusalem. They are talking with each other about all the things that have happened—possibly in our language they are grieving by telling the stories they know and love about Jesus. Then a stranger joins them on the road. Verses 15-16 say “Jesus himself came near and went with them, but their eyes were kept from recognizing him.” Jesus asks what they are discussing. They stood still, looking sad(Lk 24:17). God as Jesus walked with them in their grief, listened to the story they needed to incorporate into their own memories about Jesus. It is a witness to me that Jesus walks with and through others to be near us in our own grief so that we process the stories and sometimes reinterpret the narrative to help us move to a bigger place in our own lives. For me the seven mile walk is the walk of a lifetime of trying to make sense of any of our losses. Mitchell and Anderson outine six types of loss: material, relationship, intrapsychic, functional, role loss or systemic loss.

At the end of Jesus’ conversation on the road to Emmaus Christ asks the two followers in his guise as stranger: “was it not necessary that the Messiah should suffer these things and then enter into his glory”(Lk 24:26)? After thinking again about the nature of our griefs, I think, yes, for us to believe that the Lord understands the nature of human suffering, then yes, Jesus must suffer and die for us to understand that God knows what happens to our own grief-stricken satisfaction. Beyond grief and loss we gain a more positive ideal, or I do, that is that God gives us Jesus who loves us enough to get through anger and resentments that show up at grieving times.

It is not until the end of the seven mile walk from Jerusalem to Emmaus that the grieving men realize with whom they are walking. When they sit to eat and bread is broken they realize Christ has been with them all along on that long walk. They then rush back to Jerusalem to comfort the others by talking about their story and that they were with Christ. I wonder if any of the others, Thomas maybe, might have run down that road to Emmaus looking always to see the Son of God walking somewhere along there again.

Like the early followers of Christ, we all walk a difficult road of grief. Maybe even the seven miles is a metaphor and was at that time known to be a ‘perfect’ number. It may be that the road of grief is a different length for all of us and yet the perfect amount of time that we are meant to be there. We are often stumbling and do not recognize that God is with us at all-- for as long as we see only our own grief and process it . In fact we, like the disciples, might be disappointed and angry with God that what we think should be fulfilled is not. Our interpretations are sometimes way off and we have no road but the one into a valley of shadows or emptiness. The path that is cut by each person and each loss is an individual journey through our own divots in the road—through our history and emotions. And yet God walks with us in ways we might deny until we later look back down the path with the eyes of wisdom that may only be gained by living through loss and grief.

We in turn as clergy and as friends are to walk and listen, even as Romans 12:15 says “rejoice with them that rejoice; weep with them that weep.” In so many losses this seems to be the answer—to hope that the Holy Spirit works through us to be completely with a person in grief and yet to give the person permission to resolve portions of their journey to reintegration by listening. Mitchell and Anderson say that “although grieving is a by nature a lonely task, the resolution of grief requires the presence of other persons”(107). When I think back to the ‘road to Emmaus’ metaphor I remember that before Christ dies he asks all the disciples to stay together in Jerusalem. Is this the way that people meet grief—alone and together? Mitchell and Anderson also say that “the notion that time heals the wounds of grief is only partially true; time alone is never enough to heal the ravages of loss. Full release from the hold that emotions of any kind have on us depends on their being heard”(107). No wonder so many people hold grief and loss within them—they don’t know that they are allowed to process that out loud in order to free themselves from the side-track that emotions can create.

Although I do not think I can articulate a refined and finished theology of care for the dying and bereaved, I do think this is a start. Without a number of years of practice to reflect upon I am also left with the feeling that the picture I’ve drawn here is complete at this point, but will need generous additions in the future.

A Little Sledding in the Backyard &&

2012-01-21T12:04:00.000-05:00

In front of Valentine--almost our back yard. Ella being the good big sister--oops, they wrecked at the bottom. Callie split her lip and ice crystals spattered her face.

Oh, that was fun! And Callie road down facing me and liked it too.

Found this intertuby thing in the garage. Callie was much happier being pulled around on flat ground...

Ella spinning--

The aftermath--healing the little ice cuts may take a while after her sled with Ella.

Anybody need to borrow some sleds? We are done...until after nap time.

Friday Five Late: Movie Watching Edition

2012-01-20T21:22:00.000-05:00

Thinking of movie-watching, what do you prefer?

1. At home or at a theater? At home generally. Too loud in the theater. After the kids go to bed, I stream Netflix.

2. With whom? Usually just myself and a cup of hot tea or decaf...

3. Movie you look forward to seeing? Sherlock Holmes II

4. Movie you like to see repeatedly? Something sweet and beautiful--Under the Tuscan Sun, Bridget Jones 1 or 2, Whalerider ... I can be doing something else and have a movie as background now and sometimes a thing I have never noticed before will grab me and then i'm locked in again. I used to say I'd never see a movie twice.

5. Food with a movie? In my teens it was popcorn and Reece's Peanut Butter Cups. Now? I don't snack after 6 unless someone is visiting...like my mom who loves pretzels and ginger ale.

Thank you Jan, for making this one short and sweet so I could do it and visit a few of the RevGals.

Telling Our Stories Tells Who We Are

2012-01-17T21:31:00.001-05:00

Last week I took a January-Term intensive class, Care for the Dying and Bereaved. It is probably the best class I’ve had as a graduate student. As part of the work for the class, we studied as a Collaborative Groups.

I read Chapter 6 of Mighty Stories, Dangerous Rituals: Weaving Together the Human and the Divine by Herbert Anderson and Edward Foley. (one author is a liturgist and the other a pastor). I came to the ‘Ritual and Funeral’ collaborative group with questions about how to talk with those who are dying about what they need.

In the larger context of their book they invite pastors to let the congregant’s life stories inform and reinterpret the pastoral care they give and the liturgies they conduct. In the larger framework of the book Anderson and Foley talk about ‘mythic’ stories (which have a neater tied up ending happily ever after sort of feel) as opposed to the parabolic ending (which is more like a parable in its possibly jarring or unexpected elements).

Baptism is the ritual that begins the Christian parabolic interpretation. It initiates us into a process of dying and rising that is marked by the death of Jesus. The end of a life and the grief that follows is parabolic. So all of our lives are parabolic all the way, from the beginning to the end(122). It struck me that all people going through any type of loss grieve best by telling their story also—in All our Losses, All Our Griefs the many types of losses are discussed. So, for example a woman who is told she is not able to have children goes through a type of grief over the loss that can be processed in much the same way we tell our stories before death.

The narrative/story form differs between the dying person and those who grieve(98). Each person who is dying tells his/her story and this is an autobiography. Each person has the freedom and authority (of his/her final intentional act) to tell the story. Those who are dying need to know that it is never too late to claim authorship of their own story. (98) After the death of a loved one, the pattern is reversed. The person grieving creates a biography in an attempt to get inside the life of another by observation and reflection. (100)

When death is unexpected, initial grief is intense and the work of making memory protracted. Embracing the messiness of any person’s life is part of making peace with the journey of grief. It also tends to be more parabolic than mythic. The possibility of transforming painful memories into occasions for consolation is increased when they are understood in the light of Jesus’ narrative. The embrace of death by Jesus as the completion of his life became one of the stories his disciples remembered in their grieving.(103) Within the context of the seasons of the church year we repeat their grieving stories at Maundy Thursday and Good Friday.

Anderson and Foley also talk about the three most common fears beyond our anxiety about death: 1) Fear of Incompleteness: if the dying person fears incompleteness, then the awareness that there may not be enough time to finish the story becomes a crisis. (matches K-Ross’s bargaining stage) Ex: Francisca—goes to Mexico—makes peace with her daughter…

2)Dread of Abandonment or Isolation: No one wants to have these feelings; in fact most people struggle with them. “Many societies take elaborate measures to ensure that no one dies alone.” (105) Side note: some people do want to die alone; however, this is not the same as feeling abandoned or isolated.

3)Terror of Letting Go and Losing Control (107) Dying ones recall their stories…but also show this by giving away the things they value to people they love. **Dying is unavoidably an experience of the loss of control.

In order to counter-act this feeling of losing control, caregivers, family and friends may help the dying person rehearse his or her life so that the formulation of the story corresponds to the family’s or community’s version of the narrative but the dying one must tell the story.

An additional connection I made with this chapter: A few years ago when someone I knew well was dying of cancer I researched Ethical Wills—Putting Your Values on Paper—It was a way of questioning that prompted thoughts in the writer about what to leave behind as a legacy of beliefs and memories. I thought it very helpful, though it is now somewhere in our boxes of books…

Some pictures to add...

2012-01-05T15:26:00.000-05:00

Callie and Papa Ed sharing salsa

A trip to the zoo--where the seals were plenty playful...

Mom was getting ready for 'the grand opening' surgery as she called it.

Ella and Callie as flower girls...they understood picking up petals was part of the job.

Happy Couple...Ella sat on Cynthia's lap for most of the reception...

Callie is 2!! Little girl. Aunt Bethamy brought a whole party to us...

There's the crew--salsa and chips and cupcakes were on the menu....

She picked out a babydoll so we got it for her...

And bubble was her first word, so every party has to have bubbles...and balloons.

Happy New Year from New Mexico

2011-12-31T23:04:00.000-05:00

The daughters and I have taken off on an adventure.

We have traveled to see our family in New Mexico.

Since we've been here my mom has had a major operation to take care of the cancer invading her body...and on the same day we attended my niece's wedding, where the girls were invited to be flower-girls and I was invited to pray blessings over the ceremony. I felt so honored to be asked as this side of my family is First Christian and not of Lutheran denomination. I also got to spend a good bit of time with mom's brother, Uncle Rex--who has a wonderful mission of ministry all over the world and in prisons near Amarillo.

Just as the wedding was moving to the reception, we heard that mom had made it through the surgery very well. Her pancreas is gone, and they weren't able to completely clear the portal vein, but 98% is gone and we all have hopes that this means mom has a fighting chance as a survivor of the cancer.

Having a Merry Christmas Here

2011-12-25T10:09:00.000-05:00

Making Salt Dough Ornaments

Watching Ella in the Christmas Pageant

Riding the bear's belly...

Evva got some traveling clothes.

Gnome Family Hats

Getting into Grandmother and Papa Ed's Package from NM

Auntie Tammy's Airplane for Callie

A Santa List from Ella

2011-12-24T12:06:00.000-05:00

DEAR SANTA, (Ella writes in all caps Santa, she's not yelling the list.)

I’D LIKE: A NEW DOLLY
LEAPSTER
MOBI GO
NEW PUZZLE
LITTLE PEOPLE SET
BOX OF LITTLE CRITTER STORIES
NEW CRAYONS
PENCIL SHARPENER
BALANCE BEAM
PILOT DRESS UP OUTFIT
BARBIE CASE AND CLOTHES
CRAFT STUFF
NEW GYMNASTICS CLOTHES
PRINCESS BICYCLE BASKET
POTTERY WHEEL

FOR ASHELEY: BARBIE DOLL PRINCESS

FOR CALLIE: NEW REMOTE
NEW BOOKS
SUCKY BOTTLE BABY

Thank you!

Ella

The Funny Christmas Can-Can

2011-12-17T19:54:00.000-05:00

Thoughts on Advent this Week

2011-12-16T13:51:00.000-05:00

We have two Advent calendars this year, one is the traditional chocolate filled one. The other they enjoy much more and it is Come to Bethlehem and See, a devotional with stickers that fill the stable and surrounding sky and land with people and angels. The church I worked with during teaching parish class this year, First Lutheran Church in New Oxford gave one of these sets to each family. Ella is curious about what each person is doing near the barn and Callie likes to put the stickers on too. We have our Nativity up, and each child has a mini Nativity scene to play with to avoid the breakage of my grandmother's set that my mom made years ago in Germany. Every child likes to play Nativity.

Oh, you say you didn't know about the giraffe and puppies that waited for Christ's birth? Well, she's yet to make sense of why I don't have Jesus up there either...

Are there any Advent books for children? There are so many Hanukkah books and lots of Christmas books of course, but does anyone write them for Advent? Some of the Advent Carols are so rich with imagery--Fling Wide the Door, The Angel Gabriel From Heaven Came, People Look East...

Well, I hope you all are having a happy Advent or starting to think about celebrating a number of holidays...we are not quite ready as I'm finishing up papers for classes and taking tests. My NM mom is still in the hospital and we hope all will go well with operations to take out the cancer so the girls and I can visit with her after Christmas. Prayers still appreciated.

Using Words Like a Little Girl

2011-12-07T21:25:00.000-05:00

The other day we were driving to kids school and I had the Christmas mix in. "Frosty the Snowman" came up and that was one of the first songs Ella had learned, so we started singing. All of a sudden, in echo to the song, I hear 'Hap-Py' from the backseat--from Callie--who is taking her sweet time adding to her lexicon. "That's right! Good job Callie!" and we said it again, and both me and Ella giggled.

All that to say that Callie is thrilled that words are popping out of her little mouth just right and low and behold she is being understood. All I can say is it must be really frustrating the first few times when anyone chances saying a word and then has it come out wrong or misunderstood.

Callie really takes special delight in saying...or shouting, or singing over and over Eyyy-l-lla. Ella is thrilled most of the time. Callie finds pictures of Ella to point out to us and in the morning she sometimes bellows 'Elllla' before she shouts 'mommy' or 'daddy.' I'm loving that she has tried two syllable words before she expands the one syllable word category. She still says 'up' but now 'please' is added in and sometimes it sounds like 'up-pea'.

Callie also has learned the names for facial features and takes great joy in pointing out her eyes and then poking mine and saying 'eye.' She giggles as she tries to put her finger up my nose. She even tried something that sounded like 'han' tonight. She showed her daddy on her dolly Suzi. She is really loving to the dolls too, trying to feed them a bottle that won't fit in their mouth.

When Ella and I made a Christmas list last night, she included getting things for her to play Santa with others and she wanted to get Callie a doll with a bottle that fits its mouth. Very sweet.

Look Closely—Remember to Honor Advent Past and Yet to Come: Sermon on Mark 1:1-8

2011-12-05T08:28:00.000-05:00

How do we prepare the way of the Lord?

If we go back in time, or even now, John the Baptist is a strange bird. He is strange enough that people come out of the city to see him. He is clothed in camel’s hair with a belt around his waist. He eats bugs. (Locusts--eew) People might go to the wilderness now to hear that kind of preacher; or rather, to see that kind of creature. How many people went just to get a look at somebody who dressed like a caveman (okay that’s not from the text, but that’s the picture in my head)?

What is John the Baptist’s answer to ‘how do we prepare the way of the Lord?’ Repent of the sins we have committed, confess and be baptized. For us, as it must have been for people in John’s time, “repentence and confession means facing the truth about ourselves. Repentence can mean changing the direction of our lives (or turning over a new leaf)…so the good news (of being forgiven) can often sound like bad news, at least at first”(Copenhaver 47). It sounds like tough work for all people---then or now. Look inward, examine yourself and then confess and be baptized in front of everyone.

We spend a lot of time busy and maybe the world would have it that way this time of year especially. Everybody has something to do to get ready. My mom said that when I was little I always got sick around Christmas—I picked up on all the excitement and anxiety. Now in my family decorating takes days and weeks…one box a day at our house. Our Nativity scene won’t have the baby Jesus in it until Dec. 24^th. As I was studying for this sermon I started thinking, wow, the only thing that really belongs in the Nativity this week is the cow (which in Bethlehem at the time may not have been accurate either: maybe a goat and some chickens would be in the stable).

The way the church gets ready for Christmas is entirely different. We talk about the anticipation of Christ’s birth---about God bringing salvation to the world through God’s son….and Advent is amazing. There is a yearning for God—we sing the Advent songs that await the coming of Jesus and the coming again of Jesus. We look inward to prepare the way. We want the gift of God’s salvation. No wrapping required.

We focus on confession and renewal of baptism partly through John the Baptist’s story each year. When I looked up the Greek of this Mark text, the portion that Mark quotes from Isaiah (which is really from Malachi 3, but that’s another story) says “see, I am sending my messenger to prepare the way of the Lord” and in the Greek the word for ‘messenger of God’ is used. I was surprised by that, because I would have expected the word ‘prophet.’ When I think about it though, John the Baptist had a messenger’s mission. He delivers the message about repenting of sins and finding forgiveness.

And so why do we prepare for the coming of Christ each year? Is this important? Should we just make fifty days of Christmas like we do with Easter celebrations instead of twelve days of Christmas? Why get ready for a baby who was born over 2000 years ago?

The answer is in our other readings—it is eschatological answer. I know that’s a five cent word—but as one of my professors says, don’t worry if you don’t know what the word eschatological means, it’s not the end of the world. As Christians we look forward to the second coming—in fact that has been part of the focus of our lectionary for a number of weeks. He even tells people about Jesus baptizing with the Holy Spirit instead of water. Jesus is the bestower of the Holy Spirit—because he is the kingdom of God come near to us. We are not just preparing to remember the baby Jesus as the coming of the Christ, the Annointed One. We are also working on our own confession and setting our sights on what is just out of sight—what we cannot quite understand but trust in the mystery. That Jesus is not a baby anymore—we know that truth. And while we could get caught up in the new baby cuteness for a while, what we are celebrating is the incarnation—our God who becomes a man and walks with us.

However, back to our Mark text, which leads us to the side of the Jordan river—what must those people listening to John have thought—a strange hairy beast of a man mentioning ‘holy spirit’, what is that? We can answer from hindsight, but at that point, where did John the Baptist get that knowledge? The Holy Spirit and Pentecost where people are baptized with the fire of the Holy Spirit does not happen until after the Resurrection. So Mark gives John the Baptist the words to speak that will hint that there is something amazing happening in the desert river. Mark knows the end before he announces the beginning of the good news. People are being washed—forgiven of their sins in anticipation of salvation. The hope of salvation. That is worth preparing for and continuing to be prepared. Keeping that anticipation and hope fresh for the future generations is important. These are key principles in our beliefs. Prepare the way of the Lord. Anticipate his arrival. Now and forever. Amen.

Side note: Please pray for my mom in NM--she was taken to the ER on Saturday and scans found mass on liver and pancreas--she is having a procedure for a stint today. My heart is with her--and my sisters and brothers and dad living out there who get to hold her hand. Thank you.

Cited:

Copenhaver, Martin. “Homiletical Perspective on Mark 1:1-8.” Preaching the Revised

Common Lectionary: Feasting on the Word Year B, Volume 1. Louisville,

Kentucky: Westminster John Knox Press, 2011: 47-49.

Advent as Absurdity and Profound Gift

2011-11-28T09:40:00.000-05:00

Reality Check: This is an excerpt of a really good exploration of what Advent means or digs into for those who celebrate it from Working Preacher.org by Kara K. Root, Pastor, Lake Nokomis Presbyterian Church in Minneapolis, MN. Yes, I am in the beginning stages of working on a sermon for this week and read this and wanted to pass it along.

Advent is absurd.

It's utterly absurd what we preachers do. We talk about a beautiful, peaceful world of wholeness and harmony, as though saying all of this makes any difference. As though Christmas really changes things. That God came near, God entered in, means everything is different! we declare. And sometimes we even believe it.

But if we're honest, we will say we're still waiting. Waiting for things to be made right. Waiting for wholeness. Waiting for hope. If we're really honest, we'll talk about the darkness and not just the light. And our people need to hear us doing this. Or else we are collaborators with the retailers and feel-good spirit peddlers of the season who turn Christmas into a temporary antidote to our pain.

Just because Christmas is coming doesn't mean cancer is leaving, or deployed children are returning home for good, or jobs suddenly appear and tensions between us disappear. The birth of Jesus doesn't erase the death of a child or the loss of a lifelong partner. And unless we say this aloud -- unless you and I announce that Advent embraces these realities, makes space for them and gives voice to them -- our people will feel more alone and isolated right now than any other time of year.

And this is where Advent's absurdity is a profound and blessed gift to us.

Happy Thanks-giving!!!

2011-11-27T16:23:00.000-05:00

A New Understanding of that Parable

2011-11-23T20:58:00.000-05:00

Well, I finally reworked that sermon on Matthew 18. I hope it is better: I don't think there's much here from the original sermon, but I'd probably do this every year if and when I do get through the four years of seminary....and because of that I'm kind of glad I could find a fresh view of it. So it's more than one more grade. Pictures of the girls soon, I promise.

Peter asks Jesus, “How often should I forgive?” In this same chapter Peter has asked who the greatest disciple is and how to deal with weaker members of the community. As this is the end of that chapter, maybe Jesus is getting tired of endless questions from Peter. It reminds me of my 4-year-old—the questions are endless and sometimes the point becomes to see if she can aggravate me. Did Peter really expect a number? Peter asks seven times? Is that enough forgiveness? A perfect number of times seems a good enough answer to him and Jesus doesn’t need to go on, but he does.

In the Christian community, there should be perfect forgiveness. Jesus points to this with his answer to Peter. Not seven times, but I tell you, seventy times seven times. Forgiveness brings up deep wells of emotion for some of us. Some of us have lost family or friends to a murderer. Or what about the case of an abuser? Should we advise someone to forgive that? Maybe this is why Jesus gives Peter the parable to think about.

This parable is “intentionally extreme; it relies on hyperbole”(Campbell 72). The king is settling accounts and calls in the slave who owes him more than many slaves can make in a lifetime. (ten thousand talents) We should at this point recognize ourselves as part of the Christian community. We all have a sin or sins that kept us from thinking we ‘deserved’ the grace of God. Well, then look at the king of heaven and see the grace abounding. This is forgiveness we cannot understand—and we have to be grateful and in awe and thanksgiving. However, as humans sometimes we don’t get the huge gift. Gifts of God. This is showing Peter that there is no way to “calculate and measure and limit the practice of forgiveness…”(Campbell 73).

What makes us feel terrible after the first part of the parable is that the very slave who is forgiven in abundance does not use the example of God’s grace to have grace himself. “He not only refuses to forgive; he acts in an extreme way, seizing the debuor by the throat. The community of slaves then reports the unforgiving slave to the king”(Campbell 73). When we remember that the community of Christians is who this story is about, we are the slaves. We ask God to have revenge when we are not able to and in the arena of injustice, sometimes we act and sometimes we default to God.

In this case God the king does mete out torture to the unjust slave of his. And when a parable mentions torture like this one does…for me that means “Pay attention.” This is LAW. Work on this. Feel convicted. Don’t get stuck in righteous anger—like the unforgiving servant/slave. It still results in bitterness. Sometimes as far as we get in forgiveness is that we need to forgive so that we are not letting un-forgiveness create bitterness.

If we do not have the sense to ask God to help us forgive we will indeed be in a pit of torture—our own grief will cause the bitterness from which there is no peace. Forgive. Be honest—ask for help-- say: ‘I cannot forgive this as I am not the Lord God and do not have the mercy I need. Please take this from me and let me not dwell on it again.’

I think one of the toughest conversations I’ve ever had about forgiveness had to do with the bitterness of a divorce. And while I don’t feel like I can share the details of that person’s feelings, I did run across another one: This from Rabbi Harold Kusher (paraphrase)—A single mother comes to talk and explains to the rabbi that every month is a struggle since her husband left and married another woman. She asks, “how can you tell me to forgive him?” He does tell her that what the guy did was foolish and selfish. “I’m asking you to forgive because he doesn’t deserve the power to live in your head and turn you into a bitter and angry woman. I’d like to see him out of your life emotionally as completely as he is out of it physically, but you keep holding on to him. You’re not hurting him by holding on to that resentment, but you’re hurting yourself”(Cleghorn 72). I wish I’d had that story when the man and his ex-wife constantly had to encounter each other at church and he mentioned to me how bitter it was and how hard to forgive. I could see how much torture he had to bear.

We hope for the seventy times seven type of pardon for our own sins—the type God gives to us and the type of perfect forgiveness God wants to show us how to have so that we will know what it is to be free of un-forgiveness.

Works Cited

Cleghorn, Charlotte Dudley. “Pastoral Perspective on Matthew 18:21-35.” Preaching

the Revised Common Lectionary: Feasting on the Word Year A, Volume 4.

Louisvile, Kentucky: Westmenister John Knox Press, 2011: 69-73.

Campbell, Charles. “Homiletical Perspective on Matthew 18:21-35.” Preaching

the Revised Common Lectionary: Feasting on the Word Year A, Volume 4.

Louisvile, Kentucky: Westmenister John Knox Press, 2011: 69-73.

How do you study Old Testament?

2011-11-20T20:53:00.000-05:00

Oh, yes, we are reading the Old Testament, by leaps and bounds. Aren't you curious about which books seminary students might be reading? I'm sure it varies widely by professor, but both the books I've been assigned to read in conjunction with the O.T. are really good. Sometimes I like one's treatment of a section over another.

One is A Brief Introduction to the Old Testament by Michael Coogan and it is by far the favorite. Partially the way it is written places more emphasis on some parts and gives pictures and thoughtful boxes to read on the side of the pages. Sometimes it is honestly the layout that makes a book easier to read and understand. This book is also well written. And here's my reaction paper in response to what I've read in addition to the Bible:

2 Samuel reads more like a novel or a tragic play than anything in the Bible before it. It is a well-written tragedy that develops character through the narrative so that the reader hopes for David to grow and learn and rise above his epic mistakes. His first act in 2 Samuel is to kill the messenger for helping Saul commit suicide. He does honor the fact that Saul was anointed by God through Samuel to be the king. He does not let that idea go, even after several murder attempts after the ‘bad spirit’ enters Saul and he no longer has the ‘spirit of God’. That he mourns the man who has made him a fugitive is nearly unbelievable, though his relationship with Jonathan is very close and maybe serving as Saul’s lyre player was the highlight of David’s youth.

Next David goes from 2 to 7 wives in no time flat. It seems a perfect number for a politically savvy man who has made his life as sometimes leader by conquering the Philistines. The seventh wife is really his first wife Michal, brought back to David even though she is also another man’s wife. This is not covered up as love, but as a shrewd political move to have back the wife Saul gave him. I imagine she was unimpressed with his late ‘rescue’ of her too—she loses all love for him and this scene ratchets up the drama another notch.

All the elders make a covenant with David instead of a ‘prophet’ to anoint him as Samuel did with Saul. It is not as if God were not with him, just that the making of this king seems much more political—not based on a search for the righteous man, but a politically advantageous series of moves on David’s part. The conversation about a house is the biggest blessing since Abraham: “ Your house and your kingdom shall be made sure forever before me, your throne shall be established forever”(2Sam. 7:16). So in telling him no, no house necessary—the ark of covenant will be just fine in a tent as it has been so shall it be…God lets him know that it is not his job to build a house, that “he” (another ruler after you) will build it “a house for my name”. It is foreshadowing because we know that Solomon builds the temple, but here as in other places the writers acknowledge that this is a story told after the facts have happened. It is a seasoned re-telling of a collection of stories.

It is not until chapter 11 that David 'takes' Bathsheba (in a tragic circle this is the moment of his decline) and then tries to cover it up through the politically advantageous route of having her husband come visit her so that her pregnancy will be explainable. Since he is not going to disobey the rules of battle and sleep with her, (btw, this is disguised by the OT code of 'wash your feet' which really means, in the OT, have sex. Just so you can take off those rose colored glasses too.) Then David is forced to break another commandment and have Uriah murdered. The irony is that he held his own death order and carried it back to Joab without looking which places his honor among the highest of men. To make matters even worse, then his son Amnon sees a woman he wants and takes her. It is slightly more complicated because Tamar is his half sister, but she is not married. The juxtaposition of this story means that we see the father is corrupt and so the son also falls.

Then Absalom enters the picture, first as Tamar’s brother and revenger. He kills Amnon and flees the charge of fratricide. David forgives him, and in another twist Joab manipulates the king so that he can pursue Absalom. He brings back the David’s son, but David does not want to deal with him, so he lives separately but has David’s forgiveness. In yet another twist, and yet one I think Joab is ready for, Absalom declares himself king at Hebron. Because there is some support for Absalom, David is forced to leave Jerusalem.

The scene where David has the ark sent back seems the saddest, because he knows that he has been so wrong repeatedly and says that he will let God use the battle to decide his fate. He ascends the Mount of Olives weeping in mourning. Still, David comes back to his shrewd self and has a servant infiltrate the new King Absalom’s house at Jerusalem. So he is able to trick the king into listening to him and takes the lead in going to pursue David for Absalom…then the story is even more complex because yet another advisor is on David’s side. It is obvious by now that the Lord still loves David even through the treachery of his sons. It is as if David had been punished because his spoiled sons treat David as Israel has treated God with them. David remains a faithful father and yet sadly has to stand by and know that his son must be killed.

Yet another rebellion awaits David, yet he is now on the upward swing in the tragic cycle and is yet able to trust Joab and defeat Sheba and then again the Philistines. David enters into being commander again and his army defeats yet another giant like Goliath. The song of David is to God giving God thanks for the victory and gives thanks for God’s deliverance. In line 28 he says “You deliver a humble people, but your eyes are upon the haughty to bring them down” and gives his kingship the song that explains how God is the ultimate warrior and king behind David. Though there is much more plot, and David is given last words before the plot is done, this ‘song of thanksgiving’ seems to be the end of the rotation of tragedy when usually the hero dies. There are more stories about David though and the writers continue. So the narrative does not fit neatly into a tragic box but is in fact fascinating for all it’s work at making David the tragic hero of the Old Testament.

Silly Smiles...Be Patient...Work in Progress

2011-11-17T07:17:00.000-05:00

Second Homily: On Unforgiveness--4 minute limit

2011-11-11T21:38:00.002-05:00

Addendum: I should not have posted this sermon. According to the professor, I didn't help, I hurt by even giving this sermon room to breathe. I need to omit any reference to the Lord's Prayer and Matthew 6. I need to take the example out as it might lead to the bias in our culture about Muslims. And to beat all, the parable doesn't mention the word "hell" so I shouldn't have used it. The thing is, I agree with what she said. Why didn't I see it before I spoke, and published it (for all three of you to read) here.

A few years ago I remember hearing this story on the news that stuck with me. A nun had been shot in Somalia after the Pope made comments about Islam that were taken out of context. A radical cleric encouraged his followers to ‘seek justice, and a gunman shot Sister Leonella Sgorbati. "This sister, who for many years served the poor and the children in Somalia, died pronouncing the word 'forgive,'" the Pope said. "This is the most authentic Christian testimony, a peaceful sign of contradiction which shows the victory of love over hatred and evil" (Catholic News Agency, “Pope praises Italian nun”). How was she able to forgive? As she was dying, her last word was ‘forgive.” Forgiveness was not merited by the killer. There was no repentance on the shooter’s part. And yet she forgave unconditionally.

“Does perpetual, unqualified forgiveness really forward the health of the community or even of the individual who is forgiven? Some kind of repentance and reformation of the behavior seems necessary”(Donelson 69-71). The parable does NOT take this into account, so that is not what nudges me to speak about this. In the parable there is a monetary amount. While it is clearer for the sake of the parable, sometimes forgiveness is about other debts. I used to really worry about the Lord’s Prayer, particularly the article that says “forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us. For a while I had to change that in my own speaking of the prayer to “help us forgive those who sin against us”—and sometimes I still do it when I say the prayer myself. It just does not come across in the translation of the Lord’s Prayer that God helps us to forgive even though I was reassured by more than one pastor. And maybe it seems to me now looking with hindsight on that forgiveness is for us a nearly impossible task at times (particularly on a day in the context we were given, when we remember that people have come to our country and killed others randomly and needlessly on Sept 11th 2001).

However, when a parable mentions ~~HELL~~…oops, torture--for me that means “Pay attention.” This is the LAW. Work on this. Feel convicted. Don’t get stuck in righteous anger (at another person)—like the unforgiving servant/slave. Work on this. And what are we asked? to forgive as we are forgiven. ~~This is the central part of the Lord’s Prayer, the fifth petition. Let us forgive because God has forgiven us.~~ From Matthew 18:35: “if you do not forgive your brother or sister from your heart…” then there will be torture. Work on it. ~~It is in the Prayer Jesus taught us to pray—from Matthew 6: “forgive us our debts as we forgive out debtors.”~~

If we do not have the sense to ask God to help us forgive so that the job is taken from us we will indeed be in a pit of torture—our own grief will cause the bitterness from which there is no peace. We cannot be instruments played by the Holy Spirit with bitterness growing within us. Forgive. Be honest—ask for help-- say: ‘I cannot forgive this as I am not the Lord God and do not have the mercy I need. Please take this from me and let me not dwell on it again.’

We hope for the seventy times seven type of pardon for our own sinfulness—~~just that kind of forgiveness that the nun in Somalia gave her unknown killers and~~ the type God gives to us and the type of perfect forgiveness God wants to show us how to have so that we will know what it is to be free of unforgiveness.

Works Cited

CNA. September 26, 2006. “Pope praises Italian nun in Somolia for pardoning her

killers.” Catholic News Agency website. http://www.catholicnewsagency.com

(accessed November 6, 2011).

Donelson, Lewis R. “Exegetical Perspective on Matthew 18:21-35.” Preaching the

Revised Common Lectionary: Feasting on the Word Year A, Volume 4.

Louisvile, Kentucky: Westmenister John Knox Press, 2011: 69-73.

Jacobson, Karl. “Commentary on the Gospel: Matthew 18:21-35.” Working

Preacher.org from Luther Seminary. http://www.workingpreacher.org/

preaching.a spx?lect_date=9/11/2011 (accessed November 8, 2011).

The Crossing

2011-11-08T19:50:00.000-05:00

Grandparents here for a day!

2011-11-06T16:31:00.000-05:00

Lots of home time for the day--we played on the playground and walked the campus and read books and played clown and elephant and ate a lot of ham for dinner. It was a quick visit, but very good.

...and Keith planted bulbs. We didn't get to work on the community garden because I had another paper to do in the library before they arrived...but we look forward to helping out when we can. Hope everyone had a great weekend. Enjoyed doing the liturgy assisting for All Saints Day this morning.

Mid-Term Glimpse at Seminary

2011-11-04T13:31:00.000-04:00

Well last night I had 394 pages of reading to do--that was just assignments from two classes. I didn't get it all done, so it was a good thing that I had the alarm set for 4:30 a.m. But Callie wanted to get up at 3:30, so I did. And started reading at 4. Well, needless to say, I didn't finish by any means but had scanned most of one book and finished an article in another.

Went to Preaching class and enjoyed learning there--we had to read Preaching Without Contempt: Overcoming Unintended Anti-Judaism, which I would have thought was something 'we' don't do. Hey, especially me, I actually attended Synagogue for a number of years. However, the Pharisees are not who we think they are and we need to think about Christ as from a Hebraic nation and mostly talking with other Judeans, not just like us in the first place. It really opened good discussion in class and most of us I think were unaware of anything but John being prejudice.

And today was Greek too--we got our mid-terms back and it seems that I did get a B on it. I had translated exactly as well on the take home portion as I did in class...which I hadn't noticed but professor did. Pretty cool.

Realized that another paper is due for Old Testament class. We had the test in there yesterday that I got up at 4 a.m. to study for again. I may have gotten most of what we were supposed to learn. Thank God she gave us a study guide or I would have not known where to begin memorizing. However, I am concerned that the weekend will go by quickly since I have another paper to write. It took 6 hours in the library last time and then I had to re-do it because I had put a poem in it, so I then spent another 4 hours in the library.

With all the readings that are nearly 400 pages a night for classes and the papers and extra added CPE applications and such, I don't really see how anybody actually does this. I guess sitting back and looking at it objectively, maybe I don't have time for worship or eating because I need to read. Maybe it's just because I have a family, but I wouldn't miss being with them for any reason because they are my only time off if I'm going to finish with all this. I have heard older students say they are selective about which classes they read for, but I still think it is all important for me. Maybe I just need to sleep late one day. Haha.

Princess Ella and Eskimo Kisses

2011-11-01T07:07:00.000-04:00

Callie is not sure what this dress up and go out at night is all about. She has had to make yet another trip to the doc to heal a junked up nose yesterday. The spouse fellowship coordinator got all the tricker-treaters from the seminary together and we visited all the seminarians with Happy Halloween signs on their doors...we made the rounds to some of the professors too and saw lots of other little ones enjoying the candy and free treats. Ella as big sister has done this...and even collected on behalf of her sister when she called it a night. The fact that her sister doesn't like candy or chocolate much didn't bother her...she has seen 'The Great Pumpkin' almost every night this month: Here they are:

First Snow...

2011-10-29T17:14:00.000-04:00

Unfortunately that happened during the scheduled Lutherbowl--a time honored tradition for many seminaries who play one go-for-it-all semi-flag football schedule...an all day game after game. LTSG did win but I have to say it felt like a mud-bowl to me. Ella was very excited because she would cheer our team on with the rest of the high-energy cheer team--Break the huddle, Goat, fight, win.

And here are some random fall pictures of the kids. We're going to have chili with the teams that didn't flee from this weather. I think Ella is planning to find a sled later.

A Glimpse Inside Seminary Class: Worship

2011-10-24T07:45:00.002-04:00

Paedo-baptist traditions(liturgical churches)

historically an infant was named at the same time
by time of Puritans adults were rarely baptized
every person not baptized was Jewish
instead of being a conversion and statement of belief as in believer's baptism; a sacrament: Grace emphasized; God's present as well as human element
Believer affirmed in own belief and faith during confirmation process which can take up to three years.
(my note: The cross is central and annointed on the child's head and from that day forward repeated as a constant reminder of Baptism and the care God gives us--as a Christian family that is our revelation, but also as the family of God)

Believer's baptism: (Mennonite, Brethern, Baptist)

statement of one's own belief--more important that it is a commitment to their own belief than something God does
theology different: more like John the Baptist type pardon and cleansing.
outward sign of inward faith: not recognized as God's grace but a human 'decision.'
(my note: which leads to constant inward questioning if a person is 'really' baptized enough--used often for re-commitment)

Both sides have problems that sometimes they can see better than the believers themselves.

5 facets where there seems to be convergence about Baptism:

-identification of Father with Christ
-cleansing of sin
-Spirit's gifts are given during Baptism (Oh God, stir up the Spirit in this person--often a confirmation prayer)
-initiation into the church--incorporation into the Body of Christ--both you and the body changed
-a sign of the kingdom (eschatological dimension)

A Couple Days with Good Friends

2011-10-20T18:34:00.000-04:00

It was a beautiful couple of fall days for a hike and lots of good food and laughter. I hope Beth and Anna will come again soon. We carved pumpkins too...I'll try to get pictures of the lit ones before Ella takes them to show-n-tell at preschool.

Ella volunteered to sing for me...

2011-10-08T10:00:00.001-04:00

Apple Festival Pictures

2011-10-07T17:19:00.000-04:00

You know you are a seminary geek studying Greek if:

2011-10-04T07:21:00.002-04:00

you start pronouncing any random "v" you see as an "n"...

you spend three hours a night attempting to translate 3 sentences.

you discovered that there are 24 ways to say each and every single noun, article,

and participle in Greek.

your daughter asks you to sing here Jesus Loves Me in Greek in place of saying

grace and you do it...(Nai agapame--what's worse is she now sings it that way).

grammar has new rules and even more rules than ever before...

you finally realized how impossible it is to translate correctly and how badly written

Bible translations really are...

you begin translating people's names into Greek.

One of the Favorites We Missed this Year...without Bristol Rhythm and Roots

2011-10-01T20:00:00.000-04:00

Friday Five: Home Sweet Home Edition

2011-09-30T07:24:00.000-04:00

Songbird posted this edition of the Friday Five meme: I've got home on my mind: what it feels like, how we make it, what we carry from the past and how we separate other people's leftovers from objects that really reflect our identity. My family has had one home for the past 13 years, the longest I've ever lived anywhere. As the time when all the children are gone comes closer, I wonder where my next home will be?

So here are five questions about home.

1) Where was your first home? The first I remember was in base housing in New Hampshire--Portsmouth? I'd have to check with my mom or dad. I remember the huge hill behind our townhouse...I used to roll down it. I also remember waiting for my mom's mother to come and visit and looking out the screen door to the street until she was there.

2) Do you ever dream about places you used to live? Sometimes--but most of them are out of context.

3) If you could bring back one person from your past to sit at your dinner table, who would you choose? Each place we went there was someone I got close to but lost. Any of them sitting at my table would be nice. I'd love to talk with Kaarina again--we were roommates when I went to UNC-Pembroke. But she lives in Finland and has kids and a family of her own. I don't hold out any hope for that, even though I did connect with her on FB.

4) What's your favorite room in your current living space? the Living Room. It has tall ceilings and windows on two sides. There are real wood shutters and the room is bigger than any of the others in the apartment. It's kind of a gothic looking house...

5) Is there an object or an item where you live now that represents home? If not, can you think of one from your childhood? Probably quilts that I've made. They made me feel better when we got here--I put a couple up despite the plaster walls and of course the one bed size quilt is on our bed... When I was younger my idea of a home was making everything in it, very idealist.

Craft Fair Outing in WV

2011-09-24T16:49:00.000-04:00

a four minute sermon from intro to preaching

2011-09-23T20:59:00.000-04:00

Luke 10: 38-42 --Now as they went their way, he entered a certain village, where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. She had a sister named Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to what he was saying. But Martha was distracted by her many tasks; so she came to him and asked, “Lord, do YOU not care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself? Tell her to help me. But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things; there is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken away from her.”

This is a passage that describes a slice of Jesus’ life story, not a parable. Yet, I still feel like stereotypes of people are often used to explain the Martha and Mary story, just like they would be in a parable. Really though I don’t think that Mary being a better person is the point of Luke’s story.

What I thought about when reading this Gospel story is what about JESUS? After Martha appeals to Jesus to help her get Mary to do some work around the house, Jesus instead rebukes Martha. Isn’t this reaction a bit too human? Is this the world’s picture of Jesus? Isn’t he all about love? Love the children, love the outcasts, love your neighbor who is everyone? But he’s plainly chewing her out. Setting her straight.

We do not see any more than this glimpse and are left to draw our own conclusions about this scene. Jesus treats Martha as he would Peter or any of his disciples. He says: “Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things; there is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken away from her”(Luke 10:41). He has not done this in hasty anger; it seems more parental, as if he is saying ‘Don’t lose sight of the bigger picture. Go sit by your sister.’ It also says something to me about the comfort he had with these women. He seems to recognize that they too are disciples who need lessons. At that time in history, “’Rabbis did not allow women to sit at their feet,’ …however, Luke has no problem with women being numbered among the disciples”(Craddock 1990, 152). For me this affirms the thought that Jesus saw women as necessary for hearing the call of the Gospel.

Also in a larger sense, this passage gives us a hint that Jesus doesn’t want the same kind of hospitality that one might expect. We see that Jesus is someone divine who did not want to be treated as divine. He swears people to silence about his identity Jesus interacts with people on a real level and not as the ‘important person being fussed over. According to Cynthia Jarvis, “a community that is hospitable to Christ is a community marked by the attention the community gives to God’s word. A church that is ‘worried and distracted by many things ‘(v.41), inevitably will be a community that dwells in the shallows of frantic potlucks, anxious stewardship campaigns, and events designed simply to perpetuate the institution”(Jarvis 2010, 264). Luke’s Martha and Mary resounds with what we should do when the Kingdom of God comes near--be ready to heed what is being said: be willing to grow, be willing to serve--but above all, do not miss a chance to hear the Word of God proclaimed.

Craddock, Fred B. “Luke 10:25-42, Two Stories About Hearing and Not
Hearing.” Luke Interpretation, A Bible Commentary for Teaching and
Preaching. Louisville, Kentucky: John Knox Press, 1990:162.

Jarvis, Cynthia A. “Pastoral Perspective on Luke 10:38-42.” Preaching the
Revised Common Lectionary: Feasting on the Word Year C, Vol. 3.
Louisville, Kentucky: Westminster John Knox Press, 2010: 264.

More Girl Play

2011-09-17T19:16:00.000-04:00

Worship as I see it...with what I know now.

2011-09-14T05:37:00.009-04:00

At the beginning of our 'Church's Worship' class our professor asked us to write up our own definition of worship without using any resources or reading in the texts we are assigned. I thought I'd share that here, as some of you are part of my seminary support system...or you might just get a laugh.

Worship, to me, is multifaceted. Personal worship happens at least in part in myself in prayer and song and thought at home or wherever I am. There is also family worship when we say grace, or pray or sing together. Then there is corporate worship that we do with the body of Christ. Most recently that has happened here in Gettysburg but I am more familiar with the terms of worship within my home church, so I will use that as a guide.

First worship at church includes 1)the confession of sins and corporate forgiveness and this has become so much a part of my family that if for some reason we worship at a church that does not do this, my husband does it privately. In that I see a form of worship because the liturgy has become ingrained to the point that he feels strongly that this is necessary for the rest of worship to take place--a sort of washing of the feet. Another part of worship for me is 2) reading and responding to the Word, whether it be Psalmody, Gospel, Old Testament and Epistle reading and/or to another part of the service. The words are meaningful and reflective and this also includes us in the fullness of worshipping God.

Also 3)the Word in song is an important part of worship for me because I believe it pulls from the Word of God and expounds upon it so that each song is a prayer said even if I am unaware of the tune. 4) Chanting has also become an important aspect of worship for me--both the Kyrie Eleison and the Preface to the Eucharist make me feel a connection to the saints of the distant past who worshipped in catacombs or other hidden spaces where the chants made/make instruments of voices. In addition, 5) taking Holy Communion is to receive the ultimate gift and a time when I feel most worshipful. In kneeling before the altar to receive I am humbled in the presence of the body and blood of Christ. In my own thoughts that extends to the communion of saints beyond the altar rail to those who are part of the next world and so the worship is expanded to the full room of heaven. In some sense I am aware that this is my own visualization and not actual worship, but on the other hand, it lifts my spirit to imagine such a scene.

6)Confessing the Creed (Apostle’s or Nicene in churches I have attended) is another worshipful act started in the distant past and yet important because it distills our beliefs in God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit. Another important aspect of our worship for me is the 7) Prayers of the People. This week, for the first time, my 4-year-old daughter Ella held her hands in the shape of a bowl, as I do, to say the Prayers of the People. She waited for each statement, and responded “Lord, Hear our Prayer.” (Sometimes a little before being asked.) Because I often find myself translating worship for my daughter, I do think about what it means to make worship work for her. I often use the empty bowl when I am praying intercessory prayer because of the presence of need inherent in what we are praying about.

I want to add a couple facets here that may never have been considered worshipping before, but as I was writing and thinking they came to me. In my home church, as in many Lutheran churches, there are volunteers who bake the bread for communion or provide flowers for the altar or even clean the church after worship. When I think of these tasks as participation in the service I really wonder if they too are not worship in some way. For me they are.

Reading, praying, confessing, singing, chanting or receiving the Sacrament lets me know that I am a participant in the wider Family of God (in this world and beyond it to link with all believers, past and present...). In fact, this is why I moved to do more and more in the Lutheran church. Worship that invites and encourages participation of all members creates, maintains, and grows faith in believers.

Some of the Jiangxi families...one year later.

2011-09-12T09:17:00.000-04:00

We were able to take our family over to meet the other families we traveled with to Jiangxi last year. We all met in Hong Kong then. Here we were at Iron Hill Brewery in Lancaster. The girls looked at each other, ate good food, but most are around 20 months and don't play together yet. Some of the girls held hands or hugged--they understand our intention in getting them together maybe.

It was great to see everyone. And I didn't bring my camera when we went for a walk later, but we had the best time watching all the girls at a playground sliding and climbing and swinging.

Girl Play

2011-09-06T05:29:00.000-04:00

What to do when your sister dresses up as Supergirl? Dress up as Ella.

Yay! Class is over...for the weekend. Sorta.

2011-09-03T21:08:00.000-04:00

Yes, the Greek final exam is taken and the passing score received. This is just the lead in to studying more Ancient Greek though. It will continue to be used. So as soon as our lunch was over on Friday, we were split into two groups--the turtles and the frogs I think...or the rabbits and kites...oh no, the Alphas and Omegas...and started on the next chapter of Greek so that we won't lose what we've gained over the weekend. And I was relieved to be a turtle b/c I process language more slowly than I want to sometimes. I'll be glad when we get Bibleworks software to double check ourselves...but that is weeks away.

This whole last week was a study in what to do when you are being hammered. Sure, it was academically and lots of people are stressed in very different and much more painful ways. One of the things that comforted me most (daughter hugs being first of course) was that the professor prayed at the beginning of each class. We of course attempted to read the Lord's Prayer in Greek, but then he added his own prayers to that after checking in with us about what needed praying about. It is important to me to know that there's a human level in all this seminary studying stuff. And though I'd never, I think, ask to be prayed for, I appreciated that some of the brothers and sisters I was sitting among did.

Me, I want to say a special thank you to my friend on the liturgy team, Sharon, for sending with me this necklace:

Because I needed it more than I probably would have admitted it when I thanked you at the last church service before we left. It has on it the initials of the order of command at the liturgy team meetings we liked to call 'Pericope.' God. Jesus Christ. The Holy Spirit....then for us...Pastor Candy, and then the initials of each person on the team...all 8 of them. And I kept that necklace on most days in that Greek class, each time I was fretted I remembered who was with me. That was support I knew I had, but the reminder was surprisingly kind and urgent and strong. So, thanks to Sharon, and if I can find your e-mail, I'll send you a link here. Bless you, kisses and hugs for being here even though you're there.

Getting Settled Activities with the Students

2011-08-28T15:40:00.000-04:00

I have been studying Koine Greek. And studying and studying to what seems to be no avail. This has been the only time I wished I could take some kind of chemical that had 'Ancient Greek Dictionary and Grammar' in it so that I could make the leap my brain does not seem to be able to make. When we started class last week I should have been worried because of two things: 1) the esteemed professor admitted that this was only an estimation of how Ancient Greek works, in other words the Ancient Greek was studied by linguistic scholars and they came up with how the grammar should work and that is what we have to learn. (This makes it Ancient Greek as understood by experts. Something about that makes me scared--have you ever been around a bunch of grammar experts and linguists? Imagine it. Enough said.) 2) We are covering a week's worth of material in each day. Memorize this 'to be' verb conjugation. Oh, yeah, and these two charts cover the forms of Personal Pronouns--in the Nominative, Genitive, Dative, and Accusative cases, Singular and Plural. Oh, don't worry about that 3rd person chart. It will be just like the 1st and 2nd in that you might remember part of the word from the "24 ways to say the article 'the' chart". (Um, it might just be my brain, but once one chart is in, the other goes flying out. And we are to use these charts in our brains to translate sentences where word order is optional.) Okay, that's enough of the rant on Greek. I'm continuing to study as I'm sure there's a leap that will allow my whole brain to access enough Greek just to eek through. ;-)

This is, of course, no commentary on the greatness of our professor. No, he does his best to gather us all together and bring us up to speed. We do have great tutors also. Maybe I just need to make more tutoring sessions.

Also, there are so many activities (planned by Christen) for us to get to know each other and our families are often included. It is a great honor to be in seminary and just the welcoming atmosphere and community are so much present that I am just overwhelmed. I took a few pictures this last week at some of the outings. I hope no one minds my putting them here--if you see a picture of yourself you don't want to be here, just let me know and I'll dock the editor. I think everyone was great about being photographed.

Callie's first year...with us.

2011-08-23T21:58:00.000-04:00

It's hard to believe it's been just a year since we increased our family by traveling to China for two weeks. She is really developing more of her personality and character every day. She walks and runs and squeals with her sister Ella and loves so much. If you sit where she can get to you, she will hug you from behind...just squeezes that petite little frame of hers even around us big people...and a dog if the dog sits still. She will also plant a kiss on her sister after a little squabble or if I look like I need one.

Today was her first day in day care. Keith needed to get some boxes unpacked and I had to be in class all day...and she does love other people too. She just is very bonded to our family and is happiest when the four of us are in the room. When we say grace before meals she sings 'OOOh' and reaches out to hold our hands and sing Ella's favorite grace song--the Johnny Appleseed song. And when we finish, she gets closer to 'Amen' each time. Her favorite word right now is 'uh oh.' Or 'up' though she tries to say mommy and daddy and has said Ella a few times... I hope that day care will make her strong and bright and doesn't take away the little girl we see in there. I knew Ella needed the social skills that preschool offered, but with Callie I know that they need to fall in love with her. It makes it easier to change the diapers and endure the little fits.

One thing that's carried over from Ella to Callie--the time out--for me this is just calming down time. When she gets angry or frustrated and starts the tantrum show just before they lose their cool, I sit little Callie on a stair or a chair and I say "Calm Down. Breathe Through Your Nose." in a cool and steady voice. And already Callie stops crying or screaming and does it. It's helpful later on, because when Ella falls down and starts a little hysterical stuff, I just drop back, give her hugs and say I'm sorry she got hurt, and then go to the same thing. The language was in place, so it wasn't tough. I'm sure all parents have some form of it, but I also let them know if I can't understand them and crying doesn't solve that, calming down does so we can talk. I'm waiting for Ella to use it on herself...and I have seen her do it in a frustrated situation when we are in the car...I just wonder sometimes if she uses it if I'm not around.

Callie, we are so happy you are part of our family. It's an honor to have two amazing daughters. Right now the bulk of the work and parenting too are on Keith and I have to say the last two weeks would not have happened if I wasn't able to count on his full participation. He's a great guy to have working through to-do lists we haven't even had the time to write out. Yesterday he even found time to catch up on the laundry...which included going to the laundromat and trying to sort which girls clothes were which. What a relief to have that done. Now I need to go back to studying Greek. Just wanted to take a moment here.

Doubt and Faith

2011-08-21T05:30:00.001-04:00

Note: This is a print version of my last sermon. I edited while I was using the manuscript so keep in mind this is oral and I'm not sure the tone comes across in all places.

If you haven’t heard yet, we are moving to Gettysburg next week. With two children moving is more stressful than I’d never imagined. Stressful enough to make me wonder if I’m doing the right thing. After all, I don’t have speaking skills to be a great preacher or some magic insight into Biblical teachings…in fact mostly I was a teacher so this lay worship leading and writing sermons is not totally foreign to me. I’m a normal person, no more capable of amazing anybody than anyone else around me. And here I’ve set an extraordinary goal for myself in the next four years, to be minister of Word and Sacrament and maybe eventual caretaker of a group of the faithful. At the end of the four years I hope to be able to hold a piece of the church body in my hand and love it, get that church through anything. A tall order for me…and my faith.

So even though I am busy (both packing and avoiding packing) these last two weeks, when the liturgist team met and the Matthew 14 reading was done, I cancelled plans to be able to give this sermon. Maybe, I felt like I was ‘meant’ to give this sermon. I’ve read this ‘walking on the water text’ since I was a girl and heard many, many sermons on the subject. For the first time I see Peter in Matthew 14 as an ordinary, normal guy, a person like you or me but one who takes a risk. We all have to admire that, and I think most sermons I’ve heard about this story are approached this way. He is an idealist and yet a child of God--an audacious one. He approaches walking on water like a child, seeing his teacher and saying ‘Hey, I wanna do that too!!”

Peter starts walking on the water about verse 29...yeah, I’m doing it, he says to himself (I imagine)…and maybe even ‘the Lord loves ME’… Verse 30 goes on though and says “but then he (Peter) noticed the strong wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink he cried out ‘Lord, Save Me.’ And if you are like me, you understand Peter. I get distracted very easily. He takes his eyes off the Lord and that is his whole problem. This time though, what I came to is that all of a sudden his faith is about him and not Jesus. He is amazed at what he is doing and instead of trusting the Lord to hold him up, to give him faith, he thinks too much and doubts for a moment that he has the faith to walk on the water. Instead of just doing what he was doing as a child of God, he questioned. Of course there wouldn’t be a story here if he just did it with no distractions. He would have walked with God, jumped in the boat and that ‘I got it!’ But we are human, and like Peter, we get distracted instead of receiving what God has for us.

It’s in the Old Testament too. In our reading of 1Kings, chapter 19, I see Elijah in the light (or as Mark would say with the hermeneutic) of Peter and our gospel. As with the prophets of old, Elijah lived each day in fear for his life but was bold for the sake of the Lord God. There is Elijah, terrified, hanging out in a cave, knowing if Jezebel doesn’t get him surely God will. Ironically the wind passes by, but God is not there, then an earthquake, a fire and still the Lord is not in them. After the fire the sound of SHEER SILENCE--something much more profound than Elijah is ready for Acts of God--then God speaks to him and gentles him past his human ‘buts’ to do what he needs to do for God. Again, Elijah stands on his own beliefs and assumptions : I have been very zealous for the Lord, the God of hosts…(verse 14)…for the Israelites have forsaken your covenant, thrown down your altars and killed your prophets with the sword. I am left and they are seeking my life, to take it away.” That might make you question your faith, but how is it that Elijah questions the voice of God?! From the hermeneutic of Peter’s experience, I want to say, Elijah, just listen, God is bigger than the conflict of a moment’s thoughts and fears.

There is a song this brings to mind for me… “A Living Prayer” by one of Alison Krauss’ band members. (Ray Block) It has resonated with me for years. The chorus is: In Your Love I find release/ a haven for my unbelief/ Take my life and let me be/ a living prayer, my God for Thee. Years ago I looked up references to this because I thought surely it is a quote from the Bible--and of course the story is from Mark 9, of a dying boys’ father who has been told his son has been healed and who says to Christ: “I believe, help my unbelief.” I had not connected this insight with Peter’s walking on water story until this week. Now I see Peter hesitating for a few seconds and sinking and then, turning back to Christ. He says “save me, Lord” but he doesn’t need to. The Lord is there, steady and knowing that Peter is human, and faith waivers in humans. Verse 31: Jesus says “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” And when I see that “you” I think of it as plural. All of us, humans cannot sustain belief in our God, because we are children yet-- and I see Christ in that moment saying, ‘it’s okay. I am a haven for your unbelief.’ I can see that Christ is bigger than our little faiths, our humanness that gets us distracted from the truth, the way, the Path we are to be on, from earthly elements like the wind, a storm, or our own limitations. And another song, the hymn ‘Love Divine, All Loves Excelling’ also has a verse in it about this; in verse 2 the writer says: “Take away the love of sinning, Alpha and Omega be/end of faith as its beginning/ set our hearts at liberty.” That lyric line has given me pause as I was studying it…how does faith end and begin at the same time. This time I think I got it.

Because Jesus does not let Peter down--he does not drown in fear or doubt but “Jesus immediately reached out his hand and caught him” (verse 31). You of little faith. He and Peter continue to walk, hand in hand and then get into the boat. And notice, when they get in, no one admonished Peter. No squabbling over who is better. No one wants to throw that stone or in our vernacular ‘no one wants to be the armchair quarterback.’ So, then, back in the boat, the wind CEASED. Sheer silence. That is the still, quiet voice of AWE. No one-up-manship by the humans. Some of us become measuring sticks trying to do that. Until we read the Gospel fresh and see ourselves everywhere in it.

But this is where the Romans 10 text we read today has Paul also connect to this for me: verse 6-7 say But the righteousness that comes from faith says: Do NOT say in your HEART ‘who will ascend into heaven’…or ‘who will descend into the abyss’. We, like the early Roman church, need to heed this advice. Let God help us with the faith part. Why anyone would waste time trying to assess the level of belief on another person’s part I do not understand. It is a temptation I guess. Too much free time? We all have our weaknesses. Instead, the faith we need is a gift from the God who is larger than us and sees the big picture…that we need it as a gift not to compare it to each other as humans. In the last couple weeks I have found myself explaining to new friends that I’m okay with having questions about God and not perfect at all just because I say I‘m going to seminary. In some way I think it is a peace about knowing that I’m not the one who creates my faith, God, through the Holy Spirit does and so I know that I am human and God gives me as much faith as I need at the moment and believes for me when I can‘t make the leap.

One of the recurring themes in my life and one that gives me real faith I can feel is the belief that God uses the Holy Spirit to work through us. Even when we are not faithful enough to complete the assigned task, the Holy Spirit believes enough FOR us, takes us in and with all the questions too. If we are letting the Holy Spirit work through us, we might not have time to get distracted.

We also won’t have time for espousing, bragging--God saved me!! Jesus is my Savior… and then MY becomes ME Me me and we brag our belief instead of living it. Do I sit and wait until my faith grows? No. Do I wait until I’ve memorized all the “important” verses in the Bible to impress others? NO. Faith should be a VERB. Do it. Live it, let the Spirit FAITH us. This is radical stuff here. No need to walk across water, but be audacious. Invite the people most unlike you to dinner. Get to know someone whose native language is not English. Go ahead. We might make mistakes and feel bad but that is where growth happens. Push through the uncomfortable moment and risk like a child. That is the task I hope I’m taking on in daring to go to seminary.…to make myself uncomfortable enough to dare and have a ministry. But I’m not fooling myself--everyone has a ministry, we just have to be given the faith to do it. Whether it’s making blankets for people in need, or just loading up groceries at the food bank..or telling someone it’s okay to question our faith; we are humans, and God will give us more faith when we need it.

The House at Seminary

2011-08-20T07:21:00.000-04:00

Hot Green Chilis

2011-08-15T13:05:00.001-04:00

If you've never had hot green chilis, book yourself a vacation to Albuquerque or parts west..it is a lot easier and more fun than growing them and then having to roast and peel them to get that wonderful taste, and the west has so much more to offer.

...or, we picked some from the organic garden Keith planted this year. Really, the flavor is just like nothing we've ever had. Keith roasted them on the charcoal grill and we made my NM mom's famous 'Chili Rellenos Casserole' which is really simple stuffing them...after peeling the skin off...stuffing with cheddar or some other good cheese and then pouring the egg white sort of batter around them instead of deep frying them with batter...and browning at 325... We were excited because we've had some super hot days that remind us of New Mexico in July and that meant we might have viable chilis...in the past the cool mountain nights here have made them not so hot and not so prolific. Glad to hit the right combo. There might be some left on the plants if you are drooling right now, and we won't mind at all if you pick them. Let me know and I'll send you the recipe. There are some black tomatoes that need picking too, unless some of the friends we've mentioned it to have already been here.

These are the chili babies right after I took them from the paper bag and peeled them, waiting to be stuffed.

Stress Relief for Packing

2011-08-12T07:20:00.000-04:00

About four years ago I worked on a quilt for Ella while I was working with the New Traditions Quilt Guild in Marion--I had one quilt completed and the other one in stages so that I could show the steps in making this design. Last week while I was finishing the quilting closet, I ran across the pieces. Oh, Callie doesn't have a quilt to carry around the way Ella does...so I started finishing the piecing. I can make a quilt sandwich and top-stitch it later.

I looked back in the blog to see where I'd talked about the first quilt, but it was before I started keeping this record of life here... So here it is, though I'm surprised I didn't get pictures of the detail in the stars quilting...but then I was enjoying every moment with our little girl. Looking back made me realize how much precious time we've spent together.

Friday Five: What to do, What to do Edition

2011-08-05T06:56:00.001-04:00

Kathrynzj from over at Rev Gals says: I'm wrapping up a two week vacation that has taken me from beach to basement.

WHAT?

It's true, I took a week off of work to clean out the basement. Sadly, to look at a before/after photo would not make it look like my time had been used wisely. Just about everything is still down there, it's just in a different pile. BUT... our church rummage sale this year is going to be very, very blessed.

I'm wondering if anyone else out there takes a week off of work to do a different kind of work:

1) Have you ever 'staycationed' in order to work on a project? If no, would you? Hmm, my husband has. He has such a list for himself and it is all hard work. The year Ella was born he planted 28 trees on our property--and it seems like this summer when he has a day off after call, he is taking the weeds from around them and re-mulching each one.

When I was a high school teacher I often took classes in the summer just to give myself something else to tackle. One year I took 'Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain' and a 'Poetry Writing' class at Hollins College. Another I took Spinning for Intermediates and Storytelling at John C. Campbell Folk School down near Murphy, NC. Those wouldn't count though I suppose. I was always looking for another angle on how to teach...while doing nothing related to it.

2) What project did you or would you tackle first? Ah, we are moving in little more than a week and my studio is a mess still. I need to stop using the sewing machine and store it with the quilting group at the church. They will use it. I am too distractable and though I know I should pack first what needs to go to storage, I've been piecing a quilt like Ella's for Callie. So, as you can see whatever project I think I'm going to tackle first, the only guarantee is that I'll get distracted. Poor husband. Send him your prayers and good thoughts.

3) Any other projects? Oh, I've got projects. Every bag a different project started. There is a renaissance costume cut out and no longer my size, but I'd hate to give it to someone who wouldn't finish it. I'd love to say I have a real cleaning project, but if I could get the dresser downstairs and empty so that it can be given to those who might need such a thing I'd be doing really well.

4) What are the pitfalls of a staycation for you? Ah, as addressed before...distractions. And then add the children, who are not really a pitfall as much as attention demanders. And I love them so there is no way at least part of my day is not spent with them...even on a staycation I look out for them and want them to have fun things to do. Like Wednesday when I took them to the lake beach instead of working here like I ought. Or each day when someone has us come to lunch to say our goodbyes...and meanwhile the waterline breaks and the laundry piles up and we are hopeless at getting it all together. Okay, me, I'm hopeless.

5) Never mind this staying at home business, where do you want to go and what do you want to do there? Oh, one day I really want to go to Nova Scotia. And Whalewatching and hiking around aimlessly. Another trip to Alaska would be a wonderful thing. And I'd like to go to Germany, Finland, maybe Ireland and the Netherlands again...if money and time were no object. I like to go and have more fun hanging out with people than at a tourist spot...though I don't mind finding out about those.

If you play, leave a comment with a link so I can check out your post. Here's the details on how to make a link.

Travel Down Route 58

2011-08-02T04:50:00.001-04:00

For years I lived near Danville Virginia and taught in the schools there. It's been 9 years since I moved on, but whenever I go back I wonder about students I taught back then and how they are doing and of course all the teaching friends. I stayed with my dear friend Tammy and we were supposed to all pile in with Bess coming from the coast, but her mother is ill. It was so hot there in Danville that I nearly stopped breathing. That is the kind of heat that makes me wonder how anyone lives in the South. I do not endure it with grace but so long. When I'm uncomfortable, I just can't find the energy to talk, sing, walk, live. I'm inside like there's a rainy day.

We had a great time anyway b/c Tammy is a fantastic hostess and her husband even talked Ella into eating like a big girl one evening out. Of course going back I'm always amazed that Danville seems to be thriving. They lost Dan River Mills years ago to Mexico I think, but they now have Swedwood, an IKEA factory. I wondered how people had the income to sustain the Target and Dicks and all that new stuff. We even got yogurt at Sweet Frog, a new franchise I think. Yum.

After we had breakfast at Short Sugars Saturday morning, we headed on down the old route 58 and I began thinking about how many times I'd been on that road. I used to travel it regularly when I was teaching...sometimes with a friend and sometimes on my own to go up to Rock Castle Gorge near Meadows of Dan. I hiked it a few times--11 miles up and around the canyon. Peaceful and slow and sometimes a sighting of deer or turkeys. Once I tried to sleep in the campground but I was so taken with seeing the stars and a nearby bear sighting that I didn't so much sleep as rest, waiting for the light to change. And thinking about how vulnerable humans are in a tent.

Originally I got to know the back of 58 like my hand when I would travel to see my sister Suz and her husband Ron in Creston NC. The best way to get there from Danville was all the way up to Mouth of Wilson, and then hang a left at 16 down into West Jefferson. At that point the only way to Creston was on another road whose number escapes me, but it was little more than a winding pig path. Once I got on it a little late and it was raining and all I remember were headlight surprises and the shine of rock face as I turned to avoid them all the way out there. Christmas tree country. Ron and Suz were up there building a catamaran in a greenhouse that they later sailed all over the world. Wish I had a picture, but that was before I went digital. I'll have to look for one to scan.

Since then, there have been a few trips back to Danville: one memorable one last summer for Ella's first beach trip (she still talks about you, Auntie Bess)...and time with Auntie Tammy as my girls know her. This time it was because the construction up on 81 was not looking like a peaceful ride to me. And as I rode that old road into the mountains I had all these memories come back. Even last year, Ella and I and Anna stopped and walked part of the old Rock Castle Gorge Trail and the ate at the deli shop over there at Meadows of Dan. Friendliest place--and they've got Preacher's Cookies and real Blenhiem's Ginger Ale in the hottest variety. Will either make you hungry or burn your tongue.

Word and Movement at Hungry Mother Retreat Camp

2011-08-01T13:54:00.000-04:00

Glimpse of Free Play--Sibling Revelry

2011-07-26T13:23:00.000-04:00

For the first time my girls have played together for an extended time...not created time or structured by me or even encouraged, but spontaneous free time. Yay! For me this was nearly like the feeling I would get for that first step or word...or potty training. I've watched them struggle and not know what to do with each other for so long. It is of course partly brought on by striving for parent attention--especially their daddy's...but they have a gap and it is just so nice to see it close for this length of time. And they are doing it more often since i caught them and tried to capture it on camera.

Yes, it was rolling around on the dog bed. I cringed but didn't ask them to take themselves and the pillow off that bed. Dog hair everywhere! But for me it is such a breakthrough on their part to love each other enough to have their own play. And laughter. Soon they were chasing each other around the coffee table/art station.

Knitting is still ongoing...

2011-07-25T06:24:00.000-04:00

Two projects that I finished in the last months...the first is the Counterpane Blouse by Mercedes Tarosavitch-Clark. I found it in Interweave Knits Summer 2010 and I had just organized it into a notebook where the knits I want are kept after the magazine has lived it's life.

Years ago I spun this yarn into singles at maybe a sport or dk weight yarn. Then I thought I had enough and that the yarn and project matched up--it was for my friend Beth, whose family reads Dickens out loud together. Counterpanes are delicate lace squares from Victorian era--started on size 4 double pointed needles and worked from the center out...

And then the rest of the blouse is built around that in size 6 needles a bit at a time. I have to admit this was an ingenious design. I'm not overly good at following instructions though--so I had to disobey the same way on both sides so that the finished tunic was symmetrical.

The only other finished project just got mailed to my sister Suz the other day. And since she is in Osh Kosh, she'll be surprised when she returns. I had thought I'd finish the color project of Stephen West's Daybreak a little sooner, but size 4 needles for me are just slow...especially the long purl rows. The color work made this interesting and it feels light as a feather...but I know it is silk and wool. Just enough thinking involved to keep me interested...I have to have lace or color or cables to make the adult knitting interesting.

This one was only blocked for the daylight hours as we need the bed to sleep...and what a serious watcher I have. I love how the darker color was pulled down to make the stripes sectional. I thought it might be a bit bright when I got the sock yarn...but it is pretty muted with the dark olive.

All wrapped up in baby love. I haven't captured it's almost see-through quality. It is definitely to save for cooler weather.

Friday Five: Overcomers Edition

2011-07-22T07:24:00.001-04:00

Sally over at RevGals gives this introduction to the Friday Five: Today is the Feast day of St Mary Magdalene, and as I've been pondering her life, and the inspiration she is I find in her a wonderful mix of struggle and devotion. She is both the woman who needed a deep healing and the woman who was declared (by many) to be the first amongst the apostles. She inspires me by the way she overcame so much to become so much. When I stop to think about the folk who do inspire me they are almost always overcomer's in some way or another.
With that in mind I bring you this Friday Five; List five people who inspire you to dare to step out into becoming more: Bonus question, a song or fictional character that inspires you to move beyond boundaries!

1.Rudy Tomjanovich: In a December 9, 1977 basketball game, the Lakers' Kermit Washington threw a punch during an on-court melee that struck Tomjanovich. The blow shattered the bones of Tomjanovich's jaw and face and inflicted life-threatening head injuries, leaving him sidelined for five months. He eventually made a full recovery, What I read about and am inspired by is that he publicly and privately forgave Washington. Not because he was not struggling with the situation...but because he knew that he could not walk around with unforgiveness in his heart. It is a very bitter root and we all encounter it from time to time. It is life changing stuff how we react to whatever we perceive "happens to us" or because of how we forgive.

2. Billie Jean King: I see her as someone who stood up for women in general and said, an athlete is an athlete, not qualified by gender. I remember the match against a man, though I don't remember his name. She won it. I'm not much of a sports fan and definitely not a tennis fan, but I admired her back then, and now, fully realizing what she has been through in her life, she is definitely an overcomer.

3. Amy Grant--I have to admit that I am so inspired by music and particularly the poetry that music brings us. It has had a profound effect on my Christian walk--it is the Word in poetic form and a blessed experience to study the Word in freedom. I remember back to the "El Shaddai" which must have been born of the 80's? ('Your most awesome work was done through the frailty of Your Son...") She sings in my range, so a lot of the traditional hymns have become singable because of her renditions... I also think she is very human--to admit an attraction to Vince Gill and find the courage to take the steps out of a rocky marriage to move publicly to another place. I read somewhere that b/c of her divorce Billy Graham would not let her perform at his events. What a judge. Pain overcome.

4. Dr. Timothy Wengert--He did not seem a show off, though he re-vitalized, re-worked, revealed the Lutheran beliefs to me in a way that changed my whole life. In part, I admit that taking the Lutheran Confessions with him in the ACTS program made me think it might be possible for me to think of seminary as a Lutheran when I've only been Lutheran since 2005. He might be famous for the newer translation of the Book of Concord with gender inclusive terminology, but what he lectured about made the book real, and not a heavy old thing of history past but a living breathing new way to digest the history of Christianity and it's change during the Reformation. He drew out a portrait of all believers..being on a ladder and wanting desperately to follow all the rules they've set in front of them so that they get somewhere near the top of the ladder and of course look to everyone under them and thinking "I'm closer to God than you". He explained that Christ really comes down to us to break our ladders. By faith alone. By being a sinner and a saint at the same time but losing touch with neither... Radical Stuff. My husband has a t-shirt that we got at Philadelphia seminary--"Preach the Damn Gospel"

5. There are so many people in my daily life I consider overcomers and inspirations--my husband Keith, my Pastor, my friend Mark, the Liturgy team in the Parish, the Rev. Jean Bozeman, my sister Suzanne who really led me to open my mind at an early age and see anything from more than one point of view, and then so many of you I only know in an internet capacity who have helped and informed me...and so I'd say the ultimate overcomer is the Holy Spirit who I see working in everyone I connect with on any level. That the Holy Spirit works through my fallible mind at times and when I listen works through me to my amazement, the same Holy Spirit that I see working in the fulfilling of the Gospel and the world that is to come--gives me all the hope I need to push me to seek the Priesthood of All Believers without the audacity to think I'm special in some way. I think everyone should be ordained to the extent that they need to be to live out the Spirit's work in his/her lives.

Workshop on Listening

2011-07-21T07:17:00.000-04:00

I've been to Power in the Spirit for the last five years and each year I am sure I come back and try to explain how it is so amazing, uplifting and teaches me so much. This year I only got two days worth as I felt the pressure to get home and attend to Ella's birthday party plans...but I'd like to talk a little about what I did get out of the classes I signed up for at Power in the Spirit.

The one that convicted me the most was 'Listen and Learn' taught by Pastor Murray Ziegenfuss. I was convinced from the outset that I am a terrible listener. I do want to help and by help I mean I want to tell someone about all the advice I've ever gotten on a given subject--to pass it on and by some means let the person find something he/she can use. Oh, my gosh am I on the wrong boat. So first, I just learned that being really quiet and putting that person first is important. I know I've tried that. But then the anxiety happens. Will there be complete and utter silence...I'm responsible for making that person feel comfortable. So I do what good intuitives do, I intuit what the person wants to talk about. And if that doesn't work, then I fill in with stories about my kids or dumb things I do myself. Ugh.

And I have to admit that there are many people I consider 'conversationally agressive' and I get very anxious around them. The worst I ever met was at a church conference and she talked so slow and so totally about herself that my eyes would glaze over and I'd look for an exit. And start having a near panic attack. To say that I avoid the woman is an understatement. I'm actually afraid to ever be in her presence and when I am even in the same room I am running all systems abort mission, find a way out of the room. Do not eat, read, knit or play--panic mode. There is something about people who are too needy that is very scary to someone who tries to listen. There are thankfully very few of these folks around and less as I age for some reason. Or maybe sometimes I fall into the needy category.

Oh, no, I've started at the scary part and gotten all about myself again. Pastor Murray's emphasis was on denying the self and the "self's persistent demands for attention--my story, my needs, my agenda, my attitude, my opinion, my expertise, my answers, my anxiety... and instead listening to another as an exercise in 'erasing' self and being with another humbly and attentively." She let us see what bad listening was by acting in vignettes designed to show us the wrong way and then had us make them over as pairs into a better conversation.

She also gave us some tips that she said she got from Active Listening websource and books: The Miracle of Dialogue by Howe and Henri Nouwen's Reaching Out...as well as M. Scott Peck: The Road Less Traveled.

Brief version of the tips:
1. determine prayerfully that this encounter is about the other person
2. use body language to show your attentiveness
3. minimize external distractions
4. respond appropriately to signal interest and understanding
5. ask the next question to keep them going (How long...What are your plans...)
6. focus solely on what the speaker is saying (Avoid telling how you handled a similar situation!!)
7. minimize internal distractions (be at home with silence)
8. keep an open mind (avoid criticism and advice)
9. recall appropriate data about the person
10. resist the 'okay, my turn' impulse

There were many people I wish I could have listened to that day...even the lady next door. Her name was Dorcas, and I really wanted to hear her story. However, the day was late and I was ready for bed and she didn't seem to have time either...so I let it go. I am more aware now and hopefully that will lead me down a better path. Now don't come testing me on this. :-)

She Had a Great Birthday!

2011-07-18T16:19:00.000-04:00

A Dress-Up Party...and my NM parents surprised Ella by driving up just after lunch...and a couple beautiful princesses came from next door and even the adults from our family were dressed at one point...it seemed like the evening would close in before we had time to eat, but it was simple and uncomplicated and we all had a good time. No clown needed yet.

What I Am...to Ella Bella on her birthday...

2011-07-17T07:10:00.000-04:00

Trip to the Zoo

2011-07-10T07:22:00.000-04:00

Friday Five: Summer Fun Edition

2011-07-08T07:22:00.002-04:00

Dorcas sends us the Friday Five this week: So, what's up, Rev Gals and Pals? How are you spending your summer? (I know, some of you are in a different hemisphere and it may be chilly...sorry!) Are you experiencing fire or floods or tornados? Vacationing? Working harder than ever? Experiencing change? Longing for change?

Share five things that are happening in your life, personally or professionally or some of each, in this season of life.

1. Dashing through the studio: Which fabric should be saved until I have time to use it...the kitchen curtain stuff is going with us, a lot of the 'make to give away' fabric is going to the church. What about the half-made quilts? I don't know, yet. And the bins and bins of yarn are multiplying--I think they are having marriage ceremonies under the bed and more yarn appears. Same with spinning fiber. Oh, my, Gosh, I've got about a month to sort this out.

2. Making ready for the move in other ways too: Books not theological or Biblical in nature are probably going into storage. But I can keep the cook books right? We still need to eat. Gardening I'm resigned to giving up.

3. Short trips: to my parents and his parents and at home to enjoy some guests coming here. And tomorrow we've got the Zoo...Ella will love it, and Callie might. I'm thinking the non-stroller mom might really like the stroller. Or maybe I should hunt the kid pack and carry her on my back when she's nappy. I have hopes of doing the Creeper Trail one more time and definitely the Lake Beach, but not alone, so it all depends on me finding a second set of eyes to help me with one girl or the other.

4. Have I mentioned that Keith bought a steer? He is taking some of it to his parents and may have to buy a freezer to put the rest in here. And we are moving in a month. ((smile)) Can't be helped.

5. My Summer Greek textbook is on the way. I am really excited about learning something new--I've wanted to take Greek for years. In fact, during an ACTS class reunion I was the only volunteer when the famous Dave Delaney mentioned teaching Greek for those who want to read the Bible and translate individual words...I felt a little foolish at the time, b/c I thought naturally everyone would want to do this.

6. And I have to mention that I'm going to two conferences before we move: Power in the Spirit, which is a Virginia Synod Event for pastors and lay leaders each year and that I've gone to for 6 years running--I don't know why the whole state, or at least all the Lutheran in it aren't there. Of course it's large for me b/c I belong to some very small churches and it's the only time I've ever been part of a larger group like that--and the worship and singing just lift me up so much that I barely feel feet touch the ground the entire time i am there. It is a great blessing to be able to take classes and worship with the people.

And the Vocational Conference is the last week before we move...and I need to attend or it would be too much pressure at this point. I have gone for the last 3 years as part of the discernment process and to meet with members of the Candidacy Committee. It is so educational that I usually take a number of notes and again the worship with a larger group in a setting like Eagle Eyrie is just amazing for me. I usually shy away from large groups, but this is another experience where I'm good with that. The Committee is very concerned that I be there for the introduction to CPE that will help me next summer when I will have to take that step.

And so, there's been no vacation here in nearly 8 years or more. No point in wishing for it because there are circumstances we can't control about that. And visits to family and conferences are a kind of vacation, right?

Inga Swearingen--heart stopping voice and made me smile

2011-07-06T05:51:00.001-04:00

One of my favorite of all time, outside the Sylvia Long version:

Play at Daddy's Parents'

2011-07-05T08:06:00.000-04:00

The pictures show a little: not the family gathering for lunch where the girls went from lap to lap... and Kent and Melicca announcing they are engaged! And the fun with Frog Yogurt where we made our own and Ella got worm gummy toppings and chocolate...and picking mulberry's and eating them till our fingers were tasty purple...and going to the used book store in Warrenton while Callie napped (and then later wanted us to play kisses at 2:30 that night) and going to the local farmer's market and the bakery for donuts...

Ella and I also went to the 4th of July fireworks when we got back here. Her first understanding of what it is to celebrate Independence Day. Wow. She held her ears but sat under the stars with the rest of our second family on blankets just ooohing and aahing it all.

Friday Five: Blogging in the Past Tense

2011-07-01T07:18:00.001-04:00

Kathrynjz gives us this Friday Five that looks back on the past of blogging and asks what our habits are: She says: I am one of those who went from blogging just about daily to periodically at best. Unfortunately, the number I routinely read has gone down as well. What about you?

1) Have your blogging (writing/reading) habits shifted since the days of yore? I'm not as attentive as I could be, but in all areas of my life I am sporadic as the children are little energy eaters most of the time. They are cute, which helps. But I can't write fast enough--or before they wake in the morning so it is often a case of blogging in my head which never reaches the page.

2) Do you have some favorites that you miss? There are so many, suggested by RevGals--and then when I get to the blog there has been no activity since 2009 sometime... and I wanted that little snippet of who she was/is that blogging allows us.

3) Are there some blogs you still put in the 'must read' category? I love the Alaska Blog I read mainly b/c it takes me to a place I loved visiting and I can so read her and hear her voice in my head...8th Day is so honest about her struggle after rape and opened my eyes about what families are and the many choices available...The LaJoys about parenting and adoption in an open world let me know we are all God's children...and then many of my links to RevGal blogs, including Terri's have let me feel surrounded by women clergy and their thoughts are invaluable to someone like me who is not always confident and often feels like an outcast among family and friends traditions...

4) If we gathered at your knee, what would you tell us about those early days of blogging?

I'm admitting I took to blogging rather late relatively, so it would be hard for me to answer this one. One thing I have run up against though--I have to consciously not use this space as journal. There are times when I have dipped a little too far to that side and it's not what I want. I try to keep it family readable.

I have several journals--problem is, from the age of 14 that is pretty much where all my angry thoughts go. I work on being more objective these days and seeing from all points of view and try not to hurt anybody...but if I feel stifled sometimes writing is the only way to help me let go of junk. And I feel pretty bad if someone gets nosy and reads the stuff. It encourages me to learn communication and stop hiding pain when I am faced with my husband or some friend who stumbles upon my raw emotions. Those kinds of rants really have no place here and I try to keep that in mind.

5) Do you have a clip or a remembrance of a previous post of yours or someone else's that you remember, you know an oldie but goodie? Oh, I can't wait to read what the RevGals have chosen...though I'm traveling for the weekend today...so it may be a little late when I get back and read responses.

WAY back in the beginning I used to be one of the revgals who did a round up of what everyone posted that DAY. I cannot do that with 300+ blogs, but I can visit your Friday Five if you let us know in the comments that you played and here's how to link.

Thanks, and if you are Canadian or American, Happy Long Weekend!

P.S: I got my first assignment from LTSG: memorize the Koine Greek alphabet. And though I made itty bitty flash cards, I think just writing them down did it. I had my husband test me with the lower case ones. Surprised us both when I got them all.

What, I'm Singing!?

2011-06-30T08:30:00.000-04:00

Last night I had a great time practicing singing with the choir at Holy Trinity, Wytheville. My voice teacher, LaVelva, invited me to their choir time. We have been working together all year but I've never had the experience of having four part harmony sung around me. I could hear each part and that was indescribably uplifting. Most of the music I had never heard before in four parts, so color me green when I could actually sing with the three other altos. Not perfectly, but they were kind about it.

So I got to sing O Beautiful For Spacious Skies and The Battle Hymn of the Republic, since they are singing those hymns on July 3rd... There was so much other music that I'm getting a little fuzzy on the special music they practiced, but I remember Dona Nobis Pachem and There is a Wideness in God's Mercy and Pass Me Not, O Gentle Savior... and the sweet lady sitting next to me sang loud enough that I could at least hit most of the notes. I guess I had never thought about how much this adds to worship--I felt like I was attending an informal worship session last night, especially when Lavelva ended with a short devotion and prayer. An extra layer of worship added, with a little discipline on my part.

I really do have to work hard to hold my own on the notes as my voice wants to be in agreement with the sopranos on some parts and the tenors on others. Right now I just finished work on This is My Father's World and am still singing the alto part in my head. It's odd the way that it becomes another song that I sing with the same words but a totally different tune. This week I'm working on Day by Day (your mercies, Lord, attend me.) and Great is Thy Faithfulness, and How Great Thou Art. I added a few for the next week, like Go, My Children, with My Blessing, and By Your Hand You Feed Your People. Now I need to squeeze in time to work with them which usually happens when I'm driving the kids to and fro and can listen to the voice practice CD I create with what Lavelva sends me.

Couldn't resist the children singing one:

Out of Town

2011-06-27T07:26:00.000-04:00

Sorry, didn't mean to be neglectful of this space. I had thought I'd look at my parent's computer, but their internet service was having some troubles...so I never even got to check in. We had a lovely time down there--the NC mountains are always lush and different than our Virginia mountains just geologically I think--my parents live on the line between the Smoky Mtns and the Blue Ridge. I did get some pictures before the battery ran out, and then when Keith joined us there on Saturday for our niece's wedding, he brought the second charge pack. Funny how it happens to run out at crucial moments. It has been warm enough between thunderstorms to let the girls play in the water some more.

Playing at Granny and Grampa's means Go Fish with Granny and a play tent...and hoola hoops...

Playing in the big yard...

Or taking time to walk in the creek--they loved the stones and Ella always looks for a leaf or stick to float.

And we got to re-connect with my brother and his wife who live in NYC...he kneeled down to greet Ella on her level when they met, and that was all she wrote. Ella wanted him to be her constant playmate. Oh, and she turned on her charms--went a little over the top some, but mostly good fun. And thank goodness they both love children because they got the full dose as we had dinners and lunches and breakfasts together... We are going to have to make an effort to not let time fly before we visit each other again.

Our niece and husband are a bit camera shy, so we didn't push it and will just remember how beautiful this celebration was--there was eating a plenty and dancing fancy and tears and smiles and a beautiful sunny day in the mountains and at 4'oclock we know it was a thankful blessing there wasn't a thunderstorm. What's behind them is a wonderful swimming hole that the NC niece and nephew used to play in growing up...and we tried that, but I was in a dress and it was on the deep creek side, so we let them enjoy the other children.

Tuesday Teasers

2011-06-21T11:00:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure I'm discriminating enough as a reader to just randomly pick two snippets of what I'm reading and print them...but I like the idea from Pooch and then went to Should be Reading for directions from the source, so here are my two snippets from Pearl of China by Anchee Min:

Pearl told me that what she loved to do most was shine the eggs. This was done after Lilac sealed the egg house, leaving only a small hole in the door. Pearl and I took turns holding the eggs in front of the hole where the sunlight shone through. This was called 'the first look.' The purpose was to see if the egg yolk carried a pearl. If there was a pearl, the hen had been visited by a rooster, which meant that the egg would turn into a chick.

The success or failure of Lilac's year would be determined in a few days. Lilac invited all her gods onto her walls. She lit incense and performed ceremonies begging to be blessed. This year she put up a picture of Jesus Christ.

Only page 28 of Pearl of China. Yes, it is about Pearl S. Buck. I have trouble picturing anyone Western living in China. And yet, I know it is happening.

Summer days

2011-06-18T13:39:00.000-04:00

That red thing is a bubble catcher, and Ella showed Callie how to use it, then shared it with her...

Out of the Ordinary for me...

2011-06-17T22:31:00.000-04:00

to attempt to make a garment. There's just something intimidating about picking out stitches, moreso than in knitting--they are tinier and I get irritated more quickly. But today I did make the whole pattern I set out to...and though it might not be much to a seamstress, to me it's a short sleeve jacket I might actually wear.

It was from my pattern file, a Lois Ericson pattern that Keith had gotten me while we were on our honeymoon. It does not include all the directions needed to actually make the pattern...though it has artistic design ideas. I didn't exactly need those as the quilt fabric/batik kind of does that work. I didn't even think about quilting the top. I did successfully navigate the directions and made pockets though--my first--yay. And the poor little one looking in the mirror says, 'play with me mommy, play with me.' We now return to the regularly scheduled kid play. ;-)

Yeah, locked into all that madness...

2011-06-13T20:46:00.000-04:00

The force that is FaceBook is now in my computer. Keith says it is like a growing octopus, taking over more and more and getting larger by the minute. I knew several of my friends and family were on there sharing photos and such. But then when I was visiting Gettysburg Seminary there were some random mentionings of study groups on there and 'oh, you mean you are NOT on there yet?' when I asked about it.

I find it relaxing and nice to see some people who I've not seen before...or in a long long time. I think of someone new that I wanted to connect with in my past and type someone in to look for them. My old roommate from undergraduate school--to old school friends. Well, for an Air Force brat even a little of this kind of connecting is unexpected and happy making. So, I can't say I don't like it.

Don't try to rope me into games though. I'm determined not to do that. It's too easy and I like to play games until I win. Not someone who needs a trip to Las Vegas. Just letting a few games onto the computer is a chancy thing. This has substituted for games with other people which I always laugh a lot about and don't worry about the rules too much. I didn't say that I was good at them, just that they make me laugh. I'd like to do a few more games outside as the kids grow--love badminton, think I would like racketball and really want to just watch curling...

Friday Five: New Experiences

2011-06-10T07:25:00.000-04:00

This Friday Five is brought to us by Dorcas: I have a little story to tell. Earlier this spring, my husband won three tickets to a concert presented by the symphony orchestra of a nearby city--featuring Mozart's Requiem. We debated for a few days about taking Trinity, our four-year old granddaughter, to such an adult event. In the end we decided to give it a try. After all, the tickets were free, so we didn't have a great deal to lose if we had to leave. (There she is in the picture, all dressed up and ready to go hear, "my Mozart!") You may wonder why we would consider taking a preschooler to the symphony, but this child loves Mozart and listens to a CD nearly every night at bedtime. Once I tried to sneak a CD of Bach in, and she cried, saying, "Grandma, that is NOT Mozart."

She was hopping with excitement, but we gave her lots of coaching, and when we arrived she gazed about with wonder at the lovely venue, and when the orchestra began to tune up she sat up straight and gazed, enraptured, with her mouth literally open. It was pure delight to watch her enjoying brand-new sights, sounds and surroundings.

This experience led me to remembering times of discovery, of new experiences. Some were my own experiences and some were remembered from my children, or those of others. Share with us today about five memorable moments of insight, discovery, awareness--from childhood or later, something you experienced or something you shared with someone else.

1. Clay: Too many people know I am a natural sort of artist. Never had a class, just started drawing in gradeschool and other people noticed it. When I took summer classes at Longwood University some years ago, I noticed an ad for a clay class at the local art studio--and I walked in and all these kids were in class. Instead of turning and running I talked to the teacher about participating. It was simple handbuilding. The very first thing we did was take a picture, mine was a squirrel, and a hunk of clay. It was almost gesture drawing but with clay and in about three minutes I had a completed squirrel. It led to some other explorations at the Danville Art Museum later...I ended up working with artist Jonathan Scollo, who does more traditional pots but I loved masks and freeform sculpture type stuff. I LOVE getting dirty.

2. Hang Gliding: At Kitty Hawk, too many years ago...I said yes to learning how to do this because I thought it would make me fly like a bird. Still when i see someone sailing through the sky it looks really cool. But you've got to pick that metal structure up and truck it up the hill before flying down the dune. There was very little wind the day we went, so it ended up being a 'pull the person across the sand' kinda day. Lesson learned. I might have more in common with an albatross.

3. Sailing: the summer I first started teaching, down in Archdale, NC, a friend asked me to accompany her husband and friends on a sail in the Bahamas. I had a sea sickness patch but never used it. I absolutely love to hear that quiet on the water, the waves smacking the boat--all of it. It was the most peaceful adventure ever--and I saw all kinds of wildlife around Eleuthera, as well as meeting some local folks while we set anchor in the evenings. I even slept on deck, danced at the goombay to great Calypso and Reggae...

4. I love to be challenged, and it can be something really small...I remember reading about how important it is for women to feel comfortable, in a country free as ours, to eat at a restaurant alone. It has taken me awhile. First I had to take a book and even then I couldn't have told you at first what I was reading afterwards I was so nervous. Now that I have children, I do take one or both of them to a restaurant by myself sometimes--I actually have to seek out the places I can go without people openly staring...but there are some that really love the children after they see that screaming and running around aren't the norm for kids.

5. Risks: Oh, I was going to stay off this topic, but might as well say it. The Holy Spirit makes us risk what we might deem impossible. Would a woman in the South, Mountain South, take a chance and work in the ministry? Even if she is impossibly introverted and a stranger everywhere she goes. Yes, I guess that the only way I'd say it would work in my life is the Holy Spirit would have to kick me through the doors and make that possible. Sometimes I still need a swift kick. Keith found a job opportunity 1/2 mile away from the seminary and that just clinches it--now we've got to get ready to move in August.

My Lagan Love

2011-06-10T06:26:00.000-04:00

I found this utube video by whistlemark, alias Mark Merz, of the band he belongs to, Night Crossing--it's wonderful live, but I like the photos too. They are about to finish recording their first CD! Yay!!

Just a Little Water Makes Happy Girls

2011-06-08T22:20:00.000-04:00

Cross Blanket Weekend

2011-06-06T17:21:00.000-04:00

I spent the weekend being a delegate from my home church to the Virginia Synod Assembly for the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America. Really I went at the suggestion of Pastor Candy, because she thought I ought to experience the business side of the church before I went off to seminary. And at the last minute my friend Sara and I roomed together. It takes place in Roanoke and with the pastors from each church and two delegates from each church it is a real democratic like representation with resolutions to pass--more related to government than the Spirit, but the Spirit is there and that makes the government part not so ungainly.

There were about four hundred people there and for someone a bit on the introverted side--yeah, I know, eye rolls, it was large the first day--especially between reports and resolutions. Each day though, as I saw and talked with more people I knew or wanted to know the room seemed smaller and less overwhelming. The first afternoon we voted for Bishop and it was cool because we got a blank sheet of paper where we wrote the name of our chosen person. And when we saw the results, many of them had written a friend's name instead of a viable candidate. There were enough votes that we did not have to re-do the voting. That was great because I hope that means people know that Bishop Mauney is doing a good job. He really is down to earth and not above his raisings--though I don't know exactly what those are, I do like the saying--he's humble beyond belief for someone who represents so many people.

And at least one of the resolutions was very contentious. I was impressed that the Bishop had us listen respectfully to all sides (I'm not sure respectful would have been in me) and then made a follow up statement after the final vote. Then he had us all stand up and sing a hymn together.

There is so much more I could write about--the amazing worship where a young man I actually had met at Gettysburg was ordained at the Catholic Cathedral in Roanoke...the sweetness of seeing the Bishop's Assistant, Jean Bozeman, go through a reception and retirement liturgy of sorts...the respectful eulogies of clergy who died this year. Just everything that happened was a wonderful way to feel knit into a much larger whole body of Christ.

Even though I don't sit still and listen very well, it was made bearable by the fact that during the business-y portions of the meeting, I knit. I worked on the Mason-Dixon Cross Blanket that Kay Gardiner offered as a donation to the Red Cross for Japan's Earthquake recovery. I may not do the pattern exactly as written, but am enjoying making the striped squares. While I was doing it I thought about intentional knitting and that it is a blessing to the ingredients to be around so much positive energy. That's a little touchy-feely, but it just crossed my mind.

Thoughts About Pushy Niceness

2011-06-02T21:47:00.000-04:00

If you are sensitive today, don't read this. It's straight from my brain without being nice or filtering and might be considered in process instead of a finished product. Sometimes I think I write rough drafts over and over and other times I have a finished product overworked.

"Have you been saved?" is such a weird question to me and those like me and maybe to people around the world. I was driving, working on the voice lesson--singing the alto to "What Wondrous Love is This?" and finally feel like I almost get it. It doesn't push the soprano around but sings kinda counter to it and is a bit of a challenge...good words to meditate and pray on though.

So this pops into my head while I'm working--how many churches really encourage this? It has become an indictment instead of a loving query. It is said with the same judgement and tone as people used to ask me 'Where you from' in a small southern town. It doesn't matter what you say, the person has judged you unfit. Not to belong.

I remember when my Nanny (maternal grandmother) asked me why people kept asking her that in the nursing home. She said she had never heard the like and didn't know how to explain. It hurt her feelings that someone would doubt her Christianity. She converted to Catholicism before she married my grandfather. I told her to say that of course she was saved, 2000+ years ago, with everyone else. The world changed and everyone in it. She prayed and meditated and gave nearly everything she made away in her belief that what small thing she could do after she worked all night was what Christ wanted. She was so devout that as a very young girl, I wanted to make her proud and started talking about what God does in people's lives...very like me probably, on the playground. I didn't start with 'are you saved' as that was not our theology; instead I showed the crucifix and told the story about what Christ did for us. I was five and not sure I got it right at all...but my grandmother shouldn't have been harassed in a nursing home...

In my own journey with the Spirit in me, I feel like I tell what Christ being with me has changed about me (usually opening my heart more than I'm ready, not creating prejudice) and I guess most people in this area might call that testimony. It comes from the heart and is not created for large audiences or showing off...at least I hope not. I feel like if something I say moves another person it is not me who 'saves' another but the Holy Spirit working through whatever I say or do or both. Someone wise once said 'preach the gospel constantly, and use words sparingly.' Something like that. In some ways I feel like a lot of Lutherans are introverts--our spirits sing to the quiet, stiller side and not shout what is taken care of by the Spirit. Not that some shouting once in a while is not a good thing. Just that a lot of the former members of other protestant churches (that we don't go proselytize btw) sit in our pews not just because we are okay with a sip of wine now and again, but because our theology relies heavily on listening to the Spirit and the Word.

Realize I don't speak for all Lutherans and maybe only a few like me. I'm not somebody who has the whole Bible memorized, in fact I think that might create more danger than not--just someone who wants to live my ethics as I'm lead by what I feel the Spirit saying into a song. Yeah, driving lets me think while I'm singing.

2nd Family Celebration

2011-05-31T12:56:00.000-04:00

It felt like a family Memorial Day Weekend for us. On Sunday and Monday we had great supper-time visiting and I haven't laughed and played and got to be an adult playing for a while, so it felt good. (Not that raising kids is not a joy, but it pales when there aren't breaks...for either of us.)

And our girls are definitely looking like extroverts, so any visiting with family and friends is good for them. They of course stay up too late. And Callie loves to eat dinner and Ella love love loves to eat dessert. Last night was just hamburgers and hot dogs and American food...but Callie especially loves the baked beans. She ate until everyone at the table except the mommy and daddy were shocked at how much she could put down.

We went to the Memorial Day parade and then had this planned...and some Blackberry Wine Cake for dessert...and after everyone called it a night, I searched for the PBS salute to those who served their countries and lost their lives and didn't find anything. Don't they do anything for Memorial Day anymore? Or did I miss it?

Children Leading Worship

2011-05-29T13:12:00.000-04:00

Friday Five: Ah-Choo Edition

2011-05-27T14:21:00.000-04:00

From the RevGals: (sorry I'm a little late--a hair date this morning)
Hello, my name is Mary Beth, and I'm allergic to ligustrum.

Ligustrum is a type of privet hedge and it is very invasive. VERY. It's a spready green bush with leaves of various sizes and tiny white flowers of a head-piercing sweetness.

The house I grew up in had 14-foot ligustrum bushes on three sides. The house I live in now, 250 miles to the north, also has several...they are a different variety but the flowers still get me. Instant sinus attack, that's what these are. And: they are in bloom.

You can remove them, but they grow back. Forever and ever. My husband recently had his helper cut all the blooming branches off of this one, next to where I park my car. What a guy!

So, thinking about allergies:

1. Do you experience any seasonal allergies? Are you allergic to anything else?

Oh, my yes. I swear it happened on my thirtieth birthday (31 coming up in June, ha ha)...pollen gets in my eyes and I've learned to wear sunglasses to cut down on the watery stuff. Some days it's better to avoid it, especially when the wild cherry trees are in bloom. I also don't like ragweed, though I have no time to stop and identify where it is, that was one thing to show up in the blood test I let a doc do once. I never saw the actual report so don't know what all he tested...except that I'm not allergic to dogs or cats.

Ella is severely allergic to cats and wants one so badly. Keith took her to PetSmart one day and they pet them...and Ella got in the car, rubbed eyes, and welts drew up on her face. So Keith turned around and went to Target, washed her down and got Benadryl doses. We'll have to see what she needs in meds now that maybe they will work after the tonsils/adenoid removal.

2. What kinds of symptoms do you experience during your allergic reactions? Eyes, nose, throat...and to the dust and junk inside the house too, though it's not as dramatic. The only safe place for me is at a beach with the wind blowing and then there's still sand, eh? Next best is desert dry. But then there are not enough lotions made to moisten. There's a balance I try to maintain.

3. How do you manage your allergies? (ie: medication, avoidance, alternative therapies, etc) Yeah, Pseudofed, Allegra and daily sniffing of water through the nose to start clean...I try to avoid going out during the hot and humid season, which makes me faint anyway. Or I head to the top of a mountain.

4. What is the strangest allergy you've ever heard of? I feel really bad for anyone with food allergies. One of my extended family members died from a coconut allergy. How does anyone even find out about this? The first time could be lethal, right?

5. How do you feel about school and social policies that banning peanuts and other allergens? When death is the result, I can see how peanuts and coconut could be banned in an effort to make life safe. However, we all have to read the ingredients and folks old enough to read ought to self-regulate. It's not as if they are also extremely attracted to this food whatever it is. Now that would just be sick.

(with thanks for the idea to Five on Friday)

The Volunteer Irises

2011-05-21T14:32:00.000-04:00

Friday Five: Words Edition

2011-05-20T06:58:00.001-04:00

Since January our Sunday Spiritual Formation hour (or Sunday School) has been devoted each week to the presenter's description of a word that describes passion/love or something. No one knows who will be presenting or what the topic will be ahead of time! Each session has been invigorating in a different way. Last week's speaker talked about "words" and finished our time by asking each one of us what "word" we wanted to share--a favorite one.

So my suggestion for today's Friday Five is to write about 5 words you really like. Please explain why you have chosen each word, in such ways as:

It is a(n)

activity you enjoy: Handspun--it's really the product of spinning, but I enjoy making and using my own yarn in projects. The challenge for me is getting the yardage right--I count two yards per wrap on my niddy-noddy, but even that can be short or long.
word that is spelled or pronounced in an interesting way: Rhapsody--bohemian or otherwise...it's a cool word. Maybe it came to me this morning because lately I hear music in my head...the first time in a while...
passion of yours: Adoption: I hope I am an advocate for adoption and never hesitate to tell my girls' stories and know that one day I will have to let them decide who and how they will tell their stories. While I was volunteering down at the tornado area one day an older woman asked me: Is she your child? (asking about Callie) I said 'yes' immediately, but then thought she maybe didn't have the words to ask me the question she really wanted to ask. And so many ways the word Adoption is misused, though I know I'm sensitive b/c I want it to have the importance I place on it. It is a chosen family, not a road clean up.
word that brings you hope, peace, or comfort: Grace: I have trouble with the word b/c it is also one of my middle names and my sisters used to tease me constantly (well maybe when I dropped something or was clumsy enough to say eat a frozen peach with a knife and fillet my own thumb...). And if I was ever in trouble my whole name was called, making this a troublesome word that I could not get away from if I tried. And so when it comes up now I like it in the context of God's grace that we cannot fathom. I like it and yet....want to duck when someone uses it.
word you like to repeat or sing: Alleluia: Really, I do--in the context of a song I've learned recently, sung to the tune of "Love Divine All Loves Excelling" this song has the most melodious alto part and gives me the idea of what a 'C' sounds like since the "Alleluia, Sing to Jesus" starts with a 'C' note. It is an ascension song and well crafted by William Dix...and I just learned he also wrote "What Child is This" and the tune for the hymn "For the Beauty of the Earth" uses his music from the epiphany song "As with Gladness Men of Old."

The Little Dress

2011-05-18T06:32:00.000-04:00

I started this little jumper while we were traveling. It was way back in March when we did the Candidacy Interview. I had finished one project and had random orange cotton yarn and Enchanted Garden by Louisa Harding to begin thinking about this project.

And so I knitted the lace section at the bottom. I like a little lace...it makes a pattern more than knit one side and purl the other. It keeps my interest if it's not too complicated.

Then when we were home, I found no more orange pumpkin yarn to continue the top of the dress. So I headed to the LYS. Turns out it was a discontinued color. One of the very good staff over at A Likely Yarn helped me pick out a purple that would be the same depth of saturation. A more mature knitter might have tossed the orange and done the whole thing in the purple. I don’t like to do the same thing twice, though this pattern is pretty simple and turns out beautiful.

I admit I heavily modified it--mainly after the lace portion I did the decreases with less rows between b/c I wanted more of a baby doll shirt kinda pullover rather than the long dress I saw on the models in this book. The pictures I took are fresh, before the first wash…and I don’t think I can block the cotton. Though I did some serious frowning at that orange stuff b/c pulling tension on it hurt my hands. I've heard lots of knitters talk about it. The best thing is that Callie likes it though! And this was knit fresh for her, not a hand me down from Ella (though she doesn't seem to mind that either, yet.)

PMS

2011-05-17T06:54:00.000-04:00

Okay guys, that means put your 'la la la' headsets on. Just the initials should be enough to scare you. And anyone rolling their eyes about 'too much information,' you put on the imaginary headset too. Yeah, I've had it since I was a girl--discovered that each month my complaints in my journal went to a scary mad side each month at the exact same time--same day even. And since then a host of other healthy concerns are all relegated to that particular set of initials too--migraines that last from a day to a week, back pain, weight gain...even cravings for chocolate and popcorn or pretzels. Yeah, I think that just got pinned on b/c I always like that.

But I thought it would all end pretty much after we tried infertility treatments and didn't like the results...and I discovered I'm in peri-menopause. Please. It gets worse. The horrible anger mood just dives down upon me during that special pre time and doesn't seem to end until I'm through the monthlies. Plus I've got hot flashes and random migraines. I thought at first this was a good thing...heck it's about time I expressed anger instead of trying to write it out in journals. Yeah, but it's completely blowing my mind. So I asked the doc to put me on progesterone. Helped the huge breasts swelling go down, but not the anger. So I asked him to double it. After a couple years I realized this was making things worse and I gained real pounds I couldn't get off. So I quit it. Added black cohosh supplements which stop the hot flashes from being all day sometimes...but that's it.

Yesterday Ella and I had a tea party. I invited the lady quilters from the church--Ella and I went from quilting with them to being honorary members to now there is no way I can get anything done but chasing the children quilting so I'm at a standstill in that particular area. I made tuna salad and a jelly roll and Ella helped me--well she watched and asked if she could dip her frozen banana into the confectioner's sugar. Yep. We had a really nice visit with the ladies, and they were understanding when Ella wanted them to wear her hats though there weren't quite enough to go around...and then each one got a stuffed animal, but she needed them back so don't take them home. We did so well until all the ladies were gone and it was clean up time. Ella didn't want me to throw away the paper dixie cups she had given them(and that they piled with mixed nuts). It ended with tears and the cups on the table--so hard to explain that nuts had oil and salt and I didn't need that all over the house...But she took a nap and daddy came home and all was right again. But I got the migraine--like a 50 year flood. Took and took the zomig and it's still on the edge.

Take This Bread

2011-05-14T14:59:00.000-04:00

I really enjoyed this book, looked forward to reading a few pages before I slept every night...for an embarrassingly long number of nights of course. I am down to maybe a book a month. I can increase if I read good old trash books but I really enjoy savoring a well-written book now more than ever. Even a few pages of prose that read as thoughtful as poetry are something sometimes I think about off and on in a day.

I used to take the time to write down quotes from a book I loved reading into whatever journal I had going at the time. I stopped doing that I guess after I threw all my old journals away at 30. There was too much I didn't want to preserve in there. And it felt rather self-centered to keep them. I wasn't all that truthful unless I happened to be mad.

So here ~~are~~ is a ~~few~~ quote~~s from~~ Take This Bread by Sara Miles:

We sat down and stood up, sang and sat down, waited and listened and stood up and sang, and it was all pretty peaceful and sort of interesting. 'Jesus invites everyone to his table,' the woman announced, and we started moving up in a stately dance to the table in the rotunda. It had some dishes on it, and a pottery goblet.

And then we gathered round that table. And there was more singing and standing, and someone was putting a piece of fresh, crumbling bread in my hands, saying 'the body of Christ,' and handing me the goblet of sweet wine, saying 'the blood of Christ,' and then something outrageous and terrifying happened. Jesus happened to me.

I still can't explain my first communion. It made no sense. I was in tears and physically unbalanced: I felt as if I had just stepped off a curb or been knocked over, painlessly, from behind. The disconnect between what I thought was happening--I was eating a piece of bread; what I heard someone else say was happening--the piece of bread was the 'body' of 'Christ,' a patently untrue or at best metaphorical statement; and what I knew was happening--God, named 'Christ' or 'Jesus,' was real, and in my mouth--utterly short-circuited my ability to do anything but cry.(58-59)

Okay, there is a page from Sara Miles' book. It is unique to me partly because at the beginning she describes herself as coming from parents who were atheists...whose own parents were missionaries of one sort or another and who were wounded in some way by the church at large and their parents and so raised their own children religion-less. So I found Sara Miles' fascinating. I'm not much on biographies or famous people, but her words made her feel neither to me. She owned what she felt authentically and for me it was refreshing to see someone's testimony for the Spirit moving in them without the churchy language I'm used to coming from a family that is religiously all over the map but always Catholic or Christian Protestant or Lutheran or Presbyterian.

She was at St. Gregory's Episcopal Church in San Francisco where maybe the liturgy was a bit looser than I imagine in most Episcopal High Mass type churches and the Communion was not prefaced with "if you have been baptized." She did receive the sacrament of Baptism too, but I was really impressed with so many parts of this book and see communion in a number of perspectives I hadn't before after reading her book.

If I ever have the chance to visit San Francisco again, I'll have to find that church.

Random Mentionings

2011-05-08T16:46:00.001-04:00

the day of surgery we forgot the camera at the hospital. That's okay, Ella was much more comfortable at home with Granny playing the canjo for her and having some ice. Keith and I both had an easy time being distracted during her surgery--him by his former co-workers, and me by Pastor Harvey, who attended Gettysburg and had lots of information to give me. It seemed like the surgery was over in a few minutes.

Granny, Ella and Mommy after the painting day--that was the perfect activity for Ella for the day after surgery and about the only thing that kept her still. She was not going to stay in bed or on couch all day. And we all enjoy making together--even with getting ready and cleaning up.

Ella even took a phone call or two the next day. And you see she snuck on a tutu and some snoopy socks during her confinement. She always has a little fun.

and littlest one is getting her eye-teeth eruptions on one side...after the molars. I didn't mark each tooth coming in with Ella, but with Callie she has a couple uncomfortable days and nights with each couple that come in and then she's fine.

And believe it or not, both girls got bathed and ready for the early service this morning. Daddy took them home after that...but it was very nice to see and hear them all in the church at Konnarock--I had agreed to lead two worship services and that first one really made me feel like I was celebrating Mother's Day! Happy Mother's Day to Mothers and to women who act as mothers for us...there are many ways to pitch in the way a mom does. Blessings from here!

Friday Five: Word Association

2011-05-06T07:44:00.000-04:00

Here's a Word Association Friday Five, with a bonus twist for those feeling creative. First, for each of these five words -- all of which remind me of my *most* excellent vacation -- share the first word that comes to mind when you read it.

1) Airport--China
2) Baseball--Waiting
3) Art--Smithsonian
4) Chocolate--Ella
5) Grill--Yummy ribs last night.

Bonus: Tell us a story that comes to mind based on one of the word pairs. Yesterday was Ella's surgery to remove tonsils and adenoids. Keith talked with the doctor and found out that the adenoids had completely covered her nasal cavities and there was no air flow through her nose. She woke up with me holding her in the rocking chair and feeding her crushed banana popsicle. One of the few times she has fallen asleep on me and stayed--she is a busy girl. She made it home after getting yet more blood drawn b/c the chocolate pudding was calling her. She had her favorite jammies and robe on.

She took the medicines with one bite of chocolate pudding and then the dropperful of medicine. Besides being a bit moody she was herself last night. She probably slept better than she has in months. She already has a tutu on this morning and is dancing to music. I have a feeling curbing her activity level is going to be a challenge for the next week or so. She has had frozen yogurt and jello already this morning. We are not even going to worry about the amount of sugar this week. ;-)

Streaming it in

2011-04-30T20:14:00.000-04:00

We now have one of those cool blue ray players that can stream Netflix and YouTube (though I've not used it for that) and I've been surprised by what's not on television, so I catch up on all the series I've missed. Usually I choose to watch a series from the start and now I can watch after the kids go to bed television that I had no idea existed. Two I'm hooked on right now: In Plain Sight and Lie to Me.

In Plain Sight is about Witness Protection and takes place in Albuquerque. At first I just wanted to see if there were any actual places in the city there. Turns out Isleta has a casino, which I didn't think had happened in real life...and after the first couple shows there really are recognizable places and sometimes they throw in Rio Bravo or some road I actually know. I'm not sure if all or some of what is revealed about U.S. Marshals is true, but the continuing characters and quirky mysteries are intriguing for me. Just like those M.C. Beaton novels I used to read, it is the rounding out of the main characters that is most interesting...and the local color that reminds me of one of the places I used to live...

Lie to Me is a little more sketchy and sometime stressful for me to watch. I love the premise: that is that by reading someone's nonverbal clues it is easy to tell what they are feeling. And calling them on it helps to forward the end to whatever is going on as the plot. After the first season it seems to involve the FBI more often and is more life threatening type cliff plots. I'm not so much on those b/c I tend to want to jump inside myself if suspense is too much for me and I think whatever it is might not get solved (such as continuing plots or serial killers...) and I start shaking internally somehow. Not good at it. Don't enjoy fear running inside my body. No one else does either--so I'm not sure the show goes beyond two seasons but if the stress keeps ramping up, I may not be interested. I love how the pictures of famous people in the same expression are used to illustrate the facial reading done fictionally. That must have taken some serious photo shop or some expert search engines. The psychologist the series is based on is Paul Ekman, who has written books on reading body language, even one with the Dalai Lama.

I've watched some movies too, but maybe I'll save them for another day.